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Can’t shake this heavy feeling like I’m just so done with everything…it sounds cheesy but if I was a battery there’d be like 5% of me left, and I’d rather just switch off.
Despite how horrible and confusing and unstable things were with him, it was familiar? That probably sounds like an awful thing to say, but it’s like I don’t know what to do with myself. I gradually withdrew from everyone in my life to the point I wasn’t really discussing the relationship with anyone, and I think I’m just so used to telling him everything even if he was dismissive and silent. It’s like he was the only one, and there’d be no one else around to do that for me. I don’t know if that makes any sense but it’s just how I feel.
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Hi, Change is scary for a lot of us, whatever way you look at it you have to grieve the end of the relationship no matter how bad things were, there will always be good memories. Loneliness can set in and you will miss having someone to sound off too even if he did not listen. I would say that what you are feeling is quite normal. Feeling like you have nothing left is quite possibly your body saying you have dealt with too much for too long and now the stressor is gone you are having a major slump and next hopefully will come the rebuilding phase? Be kind to yourself, speak to womens aid, I am guessing with my advice they will know better xx
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They make usso emotionally dependent on them that when we leave it feels like being torn in two. We don’t feel like us, we feel like we’re part of them and we can’t survive alone. Try not to expect too much from yourself, go with what your body is telling you and, keeping with your analogy, go into battery saver mode! In time you will find you again, your confidence will slowly return. I found self-compassion meditation (you can search them on the internet) especially helpful for these feelings of loneliness. You need to slowly learn how to be loving to yourself and to feel comfortable with it. It feels alien to us after an abusive relationship. What you’re feeling is completely normal for your situation, it will get better xx
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Something I kept in my journal might help…….
the survivor can come to find that it can be almost impossible to relate to anyone, even family or old friends, except superficially. There is a biological craving for intensity that no normal relationship will satisfy. This provides a feeling of being totally alone, and totally empty. At first, only going back to the primary aggressor can overcome it. It would be normal in this state to believe that something is horribly wrong with leaving (even if it seems equally true that something is horribly wrong with staying. If it can be understood that abstinence from unnatural intensity will eventually restore normal relating capacity, the period of distress can be better endured.
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Hi P
As these ladies say…it’s a normal feeling, in a abnormal situation that has built up over years. We aren’t able to switch on/off like a machine ( battery saving is so much better!)its the painful process involving emotional trauma…it’s never going to be easy, we know these are the most painful times.
BUT we will be free to move on into a ‘normal’ non abusive state of mind, which has been controlling our emotions & lives.
We have essentially become used to the trauma bonding, exactly as they want it to be.
For us to move on we have to face this pain,& believe our lives will be better.
You know like you I too feel very alone, and all the times I tried to leave, I felt very alone. That’s what hoovered me back in, the trauma…the loneliness the total abandonment. In reality P it was like that IN the ‘relationship’
It’s the same deal except now we can make our own decisions without fear of abuse.Please ask for some counselling and begin to rebuild little bits by bits…we have to find an alternative new existence! It will be so much better, believe in yourself you can do this! We are with you, strong brave women together in spirit.
Hugs C x
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