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Hi all new to this and no idea where to start it’s been (detail removed by moderator) and 3 children later. Things are always fine to begin with aren’t they? We have had a whirlwind of a relationship and it’s never been easy and hardly been good. I suffered for years and years and I’ve left many times but always come back. Long story short it’s been awful and we lost our children because of him! 2 in Foster care 1 adopted. I feel like I’m stuck in a loop of time that I can’t get out of, I leave and come back, things are bad then good then it all repeats. I kinda feel like why should I bother leaving when I don’t have anything else left? I don’t have any friends, I have my mum but don’t want to burden her with my problems. I work full time (thankfully he let’s me do this) but have to start and finish on time and have lunch at a certain time or I get threats and accusations that I’m up to no good. I have no social media and keep my phone notifications silent so I Don’t get any questions on whos texting me. As I said I feel I’m in a loop that’s pointless getting out of because I don’t have anything else.
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I’m sorry you’re feeling this hopeless at the moment. I remember feeling like this. But you know, if you weren’t with him you would gradually build new friendships and rebuild sone if the old ones if you wanted to. You’d be free to rebuild a life with things in it that mattered to you. The abuse never stops, it just repeats in cycles like a really bad record.
A lot of abusive men control us by isolating us from our support networks and getting us so we’re scared of being late or spending time or attention on anything but them. After a while we kind of forget who we were. What we were like and enjoyed doing. We tiptoe around them desperate to be and do whatever is needed to avoid the next (inevitable and unavoidable) blow up or cascade of vile accusations. This was exactly my experience. I was expected to take lunch at the same time every day, and spend that time on the phone with him even if he had nothing to say. Often he’d end the call saying something that left me worried and distracted for the whole afternoon. If work overran for any reason I’d be driving home shaking and tearful because I’d be so worried about what he’d think or say. It took months of being alone to stop doing my grocery shop at break-neck speed and getting in a p***y if there was a queue at the checkout. I was so used to working to his controlling deadlines and expectations. When I realised what I’d been doing one day it really hit me and I sobbed with rage in the carpark.
You are your own person. He doesn’t own you or have any right to your time and attention. You can reclaim your life and your self if you choose to one day. Not easy, but it is possible.
Take care Chicka.
GR
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