Don’t know how much more I can take

[Anonymous]

So I’m so upset I have just found out my abuser managed to gaslight & manipulate my 2 older children into making obviously false allegations on me and then declared they had made a mistake leaving my relationship with my children fractured.He is apparently finding this funny saying I won’t have anyone left soon ! My 2 younger children are fuming about this as all (detail removed by moderator) have witnessed the abuse on me and now he has caused a complete split between siblings now too.I’m struggling so much I wasn’t prepared for this pain when taking action.

[KIP.]

Sadly this is exactly what happened to me.he fired up our son with lies and drove that wedge. I was so unprepared. I know that pain. You need to go absolutely zero contact with him and that means listening to any gossip about him. For your own mental health but also to show your children that abuse has no place in your life. If you can go zero contact it means they can too. It also stops his direct mental torture of you. Just be a rock and keep steady, leaving the door open for your kids who are dealing with a manipulative monster and they will find out for themselves. I told my son it was not his place to get involved and that it was sad that his father kept manipulating him. These men have zero feelings even for their own children’s pain. Everyone is collateral damage.

[Anonymous]

Thanks KIP It all just keeps getting worse I don’t understand why they’ve turned on me when they’ve witnessed so much and he’s been a terrible dad ,makes no sense .I know he wants me isolated so I leave the house and he can return.So he is still harming me from a distance and with proceedings delayed due to Covid not helping as dragging on.I’m just so sad losing my children and grandchildren and because of his smear campaign and manipulation of them.I’m not eating , sleeping or leaving the house at the moment I can’t function .I felt the same when my mum died , it feels like half of my family have died if that makes sense ? I have 2 very supportive younger adult children but don’t want to keep burdening them being upset

[KIP.]

I think my son sided with his dad through fear. And also for an easy life. Sometimes it’s easier to side with the abuser or fear their wrath. You just have to hope as they get older they will see the damage their father has done. Just like you did. And find the strength to ignore him. Meantime just keep your door open for them and concentrate on yourself snd getting stronger for the fight ahead. You need your strength. It’s that old saying I like to repeat about getting your own oxygen mask on first before you can help others x

[Anonymous]

Yeah that’s true but they’re grown adults and know it’s wrong so clearly scared of him as he no longer has me as his anger outlet he will be a burden on them as he was to me . It’s taken me years to take action and expected support from family when I need it most .I’m just wishing my life away atm wanting proceedings over so I can start to build a different life x

[KIP.]

I think my son also resented me for not being the outlet for his dad. For taking responsibility for his dad because his dad soon began sucking the emotional life from him and his sister. Emotional burden that we had carried. We were adults too when we were fooled and manipulated. He’s still the same man. Same tactics. Start building a different life right now. ‘Day one’ or ‘one day’. You decide x

[Anonymous]

Yeah I know he’s doing the same to my daughters he will be a burden and gaslight them , I’ve seen the evidence already and by their choice they don’t have me to step in .I feel responsible for that too.I’ve always tried to protect everyone else from his behaviour by diverting it on to me but now I can’t.Someone said to me yesterday that’s been through this before ….I’m underwater right now and forgetting to come up for air , I’m assisting my own drowning! This has changed my perspective I am now using breathing techniques when I’m sinking.Thank you KIP x

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