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    • #167992
      Momo
      Participant

      Ex who I left years ago who abused me very badly. Is harassing my mum. My mum is threatening me and telling me to go tell him to leave her alone. I’m terrified of him. Iv asked my mum many times to stop mentioning him and to report it. Instead I’m being ordered to contact him. She sending me pictures of (detail removed by moderator), knowing it will trigger me. Made me feel sick opening up her message and seeing (detail removed by moderator). Despite what I say. She says she’s his victim more so than me coz he’s threatening her. I can’t understand how my own mother would constantly push me to go tell him to leave her alone.

    • #168002
      minimeerkat
      Participant

      its so painful when our mothers appear to only think about themselves & their needs. i have a mother with npd so know how it feels to have no empathy, understanding, support or kindness from someone who you are supposed to feel loved & safe with – everything normally ends up as some kind of competition where they are always worse off than you or have done better than you etc etc etc
      i have been left with many triggers from the abuse, even someone mentioning a name so know exactly how much fear & panic these things can evoke. so its important that you try & find ways to protect yourself from such anxiety – it might not be something you can actually do, but have you considered ways of limiting or cutting contact. or is it possible that someone else can read these messages & relay them to you in a safer way – maybe even use a third party at the moment so you are not as severely triggered
      sometimes as painful as it is we do have to put ourselves & our mental health first even when it comes to our own mothers – especially when they only ever think about themselves & completely refuse to take our feelings into consideration
      you have done the right thing encouraging her to report it herself (the police or whatever relevant authority)
      do you have any support at all whilst you are going through this – other close family members, friends. have you had any counselling to help with you with the effects of your abusive relationship (which could also help you feel stronger, more confident & in control when dealing with your mother)
      try & stay strong. and do as much as you possibly can to limit or stop anyone else causing you pain – its important now that you are out of an abusive relationship that you continue to feel safe x

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