Don’t know what to do after he disclosed something to me

[Cecile]

I have been seeing a nice man (I thought)and congratulating myself that I had evaded the attraction to abusers and turned a major corner. I fell head over heels tbh but kept fooling myself that I knew what I was doing. It was love bomb central. After decades of abuse and no emotions or joy or nurturing, I leaped into an intense relationship with this guy. Still kept convincing myself I was able for it and not being pathologically stupid.
Then (detail removed by moderator) he told me that he was very angry once but stopped some years ago. He said never to his former partner. I filed that away for thinking about today, to process it. He knows some of my history and what I went through. He has expressed astonishment at the bare details of cruelty he knows about that I endured. So today I have thought slowly about what he said. I know one of his adult offspring is extremely angry with him all the time. I feel sick at the thought he has been angry to people. He didn’t give details or what happened to stop it. What does he mean by angry? The truth is that he has taken his temper out on others is that not so? I feel so sick. There aren’t enough swear words to describe how stupid I have been. Should I thank him for being so honest and get more detail or just walk away?

[Weemebreeze]

Walk away and don’t look back, in my opinion. My ex told me something similar in our first few months of dating, I gave him benefit of doubt and it just got worse and worse – broken nose, black eyes..etc etc. For me, if a guy tells you he has/had anger issues I would take the heads up and look after yourself.you’re not stupid at all, you’re very trusting and want to see the best in people. Trust your gut.

[Cecile]

Yes I had a horrific pain in my neck and down my arm that was getting worse and worse and was about to go to the doctor. After I posted this today something loosened in my neck with a mighty thwack and it instantly felt better. If that’s not my body telling/warning me then I don’t know what is.I had headaches, back ache, you name it. All gone now this evening. Funnily enough he had some traits that I liked in my ex-partner and stupidly found charming all over again. I just have ‘stupid’ tattooed on my forehead.

[driedflowers]

It’s not your fault, Cecile. It’s their fault.

It takes a lot of strength and joy in life to trust someone and be open to them after everything.

[KIP.]

Run for the hills. Those traits that you liked in your former partner I’ve found in a guy I dated. It feels familiar to us but that doesn’t mean it’s okay x put it down to a lesson learned x

[Cecile]

It’s like waking up on another planet when we escape. With no idea how to speak the lingo or know what’s good or bad or how to survive all these new beings that we now have access to.

[KIP.]

Take it very very slowly. Set boundaries. Make sure you have a good strong healthy life and he fits into yours. Not the other way around x it’s just a case of practicing and building up social skills. I used dating to practice my social skills and to re engage with the world. At my own pace. To slowly build trust again x

[Cecile]

Fantastic advice I am eternally grateful.

[Author]

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