dont know what to do from here

[demonwoman]

I suppose i should start at the beginning really, a year into our relationship things were still quite good, i got pregnant then everything changed.
He would go out and not come home until the next day without saying anything, when i used to have a go for this (lets be honest here who wouldn’t have a go for that) his family would then make me feel like i was out of order for saying it was wrong?
skip forward we have a gorgeous baby…as they all are…
I suffer really severe (detail removed by moderator), he doesn’t help,
his family tell me to get over it,
his mum says “i have depression too, you don’t hear me whinging about it”
He left me because i was ill, should have known then what type of person he was. I got help went to hospital, saw a therapist, took my medication and started getting better.
in true abuser fashion he came back and me being stupid accepted him and got pregnant again pretty much straight away. As is common in these cases he was wishy washy wants to be with me didnt want to did want to etc the mind games during this pregnancy so soon after my slight recovery from some serious illnesses was stopping the baby from growing properly so i cut him off. he took our 1st child out of the pram and put her in the car while i was walking her somewhere like woop just straight off the street. The way my abuser works is one thing cant be considered abuse its the millions of things that lead up to my mental state right now. He then took both children and told me he wasnt returning them so i took him to court they came home he did supervised visits in a contact center etc then back to contact. he has since taken them 3 times then advises me i told you i was taking them. he calls social services and the police to come to my house. he makes up lies to tell people about how bad of a parent i am this has been going on (detail removed by moderator) this newest one is the (detail removed by moderator) we have been to court. i recently moved house to a new area, before i moved (detail removed by moderator) it has been 3 weeks now and with him not knowing where we are i feel like im in heaven. i dont feel anxious. im playing and baking and just absolutely loving the no stress. i dont want to give him my address. its 4am im sat in my gorgeous kitchen watching the birds in the garden waiting for my partner to wake up and tell me to get the hell to bed and stop tip tapping. The life i want is going on right now. i know i have to do what im supposed to what the judge says i should but honestly ladies i do not want my holiday to end. sorry for the rant i suppose i would like to know if i just didnt bother giving him my address would it get me in like tons of trouble? tia xx

[KIP.]

If it’s not in a court order I wouldn’t think it was enforceable but ring Rights of Women for free legal advice or ask your solicitor. You could always pretend you didn’t hear that bit after all you’re exhausted and extremely traumatised by his behaviour. You can’t be expected to remember everything. He doesn’t need your address. You can communicate via a third party or worse case scenario via email.

[fizzylem]

Yes, echoe KIP, you clearly need this. I would ring rights for women and look at building your case for some kind of protection order, go back to court and get this officially in place, but for now, carry on as you are and go through third parties only. We all have a right to feel safe, it is a basic need, when we dont feel safe in the world we simply can’t function. We also have a right to a peaceful life, a family life and a private life – there are laws and human rights that say this. Sounds like you’ve done incredibly well to get this far x

[HopeLifeJoy]

Yes I would also agree that if it isn’t written anywhere to order you to give out the address then definately don’t do it. And if you are asked in written form, fight it off, I mean how many times does he have to abduct your children for you to finally get some protection and safety against him? The judge and police should have protected you better the first time around. Seek legal help for this.
Sending you strength, keep going 💪

[demonwoman]

Thank you for the replies. I honestly wish i could go into details about all the lies etc. i have a phone interview coming up from cafcass don’t know whether they will be interested in all the little things he does the judge honestly didnt care. they didnt even care that he was lying to them. how are you meant to coparent with a lying bully?

[Author]

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