Don’t know where to start or turn

[Sparklygiraffe]

So I have been with my partner for (detail removed by moderator). At first it was lovely and he moved into mine very quickly.

Over time little things have slowly started to happen and I know feel trapped and abused.

I tred on eggshells everyday, if he can’t find something. I must have moved it. I constantly worry about keeping him, I make sure I get what he wants from the shop everyday even though I am struggling for money. I do whatever he wants for dinner, put my kids to bed early so I can spend time with him alone.

I wake up with a pit in my stomach everyday. If I miss a phone call all hell breaks lose. I feel like I have to put up with everything else he will lose his temper.

Although he hasn’t physically hit me, he has smashed my house up, called me names, called my children names. I hate him but I am trapped.

He has a hold over me, he knows something I don’t want anyone to know and something I am deeply ashamed off.

I feel I have no way out. I constantly try and please him even though I am putting myself and my children 2nd to his needs and I just don’t know what to do anymore

[Darcy]

Hi beautiful Angel… Sparklygiraffe,
I am sorry to hear about the situation you are in.
I think firstly you need to look at how you can get this man out of your house. What right does he have living there legally? This is your home and it needs to be safe for you and your children, who always need to come first.
Maybe contacting the citizens advice, or doing a google search will give you some information so you can get empowered to get him out.
With regards to him knowing something about you that you are ashamed of, until you own what this is he will have power over you. Personally I think shame is one of the worst emotions for controlling us and keeping us stuck.
Nothing is so bad that people cant move on from it… look at people in the public eye who are outed for things they are ashamed off, they soon get over it and re-build their image again… and you can too.
Is it really that bad what he knows… maybe to you… but will anyone else really care so much or is he making you beleive that?
You could start by just writing it down, see how that feels to you. Then maybe telling a trusted friend or a family member and see how they react, or even private message someone on here that you have connected with to get their reaction.
Believe me I have lived with shame, do not let it own you, you need to own it.
Sending you continued love and support
Darcy xx

[Sparklygiraffe]

Thank you for your reply

He has no legal right to be in my house but I am so scared to get anyone else involved. Friends, family even police.

He knows this. He bullies me to the point I’m not even allowed a different opinion or to be a bad mood because it (detail removed by moderator) and I know what happens when (detail removed by moderator)

I do everything to keep him from being in a bad mood but it is mentally and physically exhausting. And even then he will always find something. Wether I’ve brought the wrong meal, said the wrong thing, lost something, moved something. Even if I haven’t. Everything is always my fault.

I’m scared if I tell anyone I will lose my children and everyone I love.

[Rockandrolldreamscomethrough]

Hello Sparklygiraffe,

First of all well done for reaching out on here, it must of taken a lot of courage to admit what is happening.
Reading your post was like reading something I’d of written myself. Your partner sounds a lot like my ex.
What he’s doing is abuse and you or your children categorically do not deserve it. It does not matter if he hasn’t hit you, what he is doing is abuse and he sounds like he is bullying you into getting exactly what he wants out of you. My ex would give me a (detail removed by moderator) before he was about to flip, he basically meant do what he said or all hell would break lose.Could you keep a log of the things he is doing? Like a diary. That way if you do ever decide to report him then you have a list of the things he has been doing over time. All this will probably seem very scary but you our taking the right steps. Sending hugs❤️

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