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    • #102647
      Ripon123
      Participant

      So my partner refuses to declare he lives with me and not his mother. So we illegal live together. Which I know is wrong, I’m not happy about it. But I’m working on changing that but he gets so angry when I mention it it’s terrible. That aside. WA want me to highlight myself to the police and get support. Even mentioned refuge. But how can I do any of that when he doesn’t even technically live with me. Embarrassed I’m even admitting it but I feel like it’s preventing me getting any help. I’m to scared of someone finding out, then him finding out I went for help. Any advice is appreciated. Thanks

    • #102649
      KIP.
      Participant

      Abuse thrives on silence. WA are the expert in domestic abuse and I’d definitely follow their advice. It doesn’t matter where he lives, abuse is illegal and you need help here. The anger he shows you is a means of control. If he scares you so much then you won’t revisit that topic. Abuse always gets worse too.

    • #102696
      Ripon123
      Participant

      I just don’t dare make my situation known to anyone in case they start proceedings about living together. It’s my home so I’ll be charge not him. Then he will know I’ve said something too

    • #102699
      KIP.
      Participant

      I don’t understand what is illegal about living together. Has he threatened you with telling the landlord? Speak to citizens advice anonymously and see what advice they give you. It’s him that’s there when he’s not supposed to be if it’s your home and you want him to leave then speak to the police. They’re not interested in who is on the lease.

    • #102701
      [email protected]
      Participant

      I think I know what you mean like benefits wise? So u look like a lone parent? My ex did this and I lost a lot of sleep over it. I couldn’t work because I had my daughter and his parents wouldn’t help. When she was old enough I got a job – he would not go out to work. This is financial abuse but not often recognised! X

    • #102703
      Ripon123
      Participant

      Yeah that’s it. I claim benefits I’m disabled and unable to work. If I declare he lives with me that’ll be taken off me. He’ll be expected to pay. But won’t so obviously has told me I’m not telling anyone. His move in was meant to be temporary so didn’t matter but he’s been here a long time now and isn’t planning on leaving. It’s me who should declare and lose my money. But he would go crazy if I did and not pay. But it’s me that would be charged with benefit fraud. So I don’t feel I can highlight myself to anyone because I’d have to highlight we loving together which I can’t do. Without risking been found out which would lead to him going crazy and me been in massive trouble xx

    • #102705
      [email protected]
      Participant

      I think it’s best to call and stop the benefits for now. If he dosent work you’ll probably be entitled to them anyway. I know it’s not easy money wise. Call womens aid again about refuge. You can still involve the police for your protection. It might be better to make sure Womens aid document that u were coerced into not declaring he’s there. That way if he threatens you with that your covered. CAB might be useful ? Xx

    • #102714
      Ripon123
      Participant

      He does work so would need to pay the bills and things. And for me completely I’d be entitled to nothing. Thank you so, so much for your advice. Means the world you’ve took the time out to responded xx

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