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    • #20305
      Highfive
      Participant

      Hey! I’ve had to post as i’m getting big doubts/ confused about the whole situation!
      I had to read the manipulating tactic’s he uses just to justify my sneaking around his back about leaving!
      I feel so guilty and evil for leaving but I can’t live with mind games any longer! This sound terrible but sometimes i wish he would have hit me because then i know its not just in my head!
      I have mental health issues which makes the whole mind games even more effective!
      My partner/abuser is also my carer, he does not work as he “cares” for me and my LO (little one) He wipes snot on furniture and when i went mad about how disgusting it was, it was like it was nothing! He just ignored me like I didn’t even exist.
      We agreed i did all the housework, ironing, deep cleans and general tidy ups and he would do the washing up, wiping and putting away, plus the clothes washing. I have to sort them out and put clothes away. But then he would only do half the washing up or put everything next to the cupboard but not put them away! When i asked him to do his jobs properly he would go mad or make me feel guilty for questioning his methods! But leaving the sink full of washing up so I can’t use the kitchen from clutter was his methods.
      Am i asking for too much? Along with this are the belittling and demeaning comment said in jest to my LO.
      To make matter worse his son from another relationship that he was done for Domestic abuse, who is following in his footsteps. But his son is violent to his mother and has now threatening to hurt my LO. My partners reaction is nothing. Then when i said my LO is not having any contact with is son, i’m evil and made to feel like my concerns are even valid!
      I wish he could never see my LO or me ever again but that will never happen. Also that if he did have my LO alone that he would not take him by his son
      Sorry to vent just totally lost. I know i’m leaving but have massive doubts that i can cope alone and even more that this isn’t all in my head!

    • #20309

      Dear Highfive, i’m on my way out so cannot read this properly or reply in full yet. But I thought that I would share a couple of things with you, hopefully these will keep you going for a bit. Try to have a look at this book on Amazon, 30 Covert Manipulation Tactics in Personal Relationship, also Manipluated by HG Tudor. There are a lot on Amazon by HG Tudor, i like all of them. Also a few verses that has helped me out a few times when I’ve had doubts:

      “if in doubt do nothing”…………………..or………………….”It is proper to doubt. Do not be led by holy scriptures, or by mere logic or inference, or by appearances, or by the authority of religious teachers. But when you realize that something is unwholesome and bad for you, give it up. And when you realize that something is wholesome and good for you, do it. The Buddha. XXXXXXXXXXXXX

      I will reply properly later. X*X

    • #20391
      Highfive
      Participant

      Thanks as that does make a lot of sense! The books have helped too so thank you loads

    • #20398

      Dear Highfive, I’m out of my relationship now, almost (detail removed by Moderator) months. I’m mainly good, most of my days are spent happy and thought free of the ex. Yesterday I got a slight twinge of missing him but on the whole its all done & dusted. When I was with him the level of my anxiety was off the scale, i should have been hospitalized really. He gas lighted me, lied to my face whilst he were calm, collected and telling me he loved me. Made me believe that every single thing that happened was my fault, never ever apologized even if he did something wrong, I could go on and on, he was the total pits. There came a day when I had to say to myself hold on a minute you are with a real loser here. It was really confusing though as I got these messages that he loved me and I liked some of the things about us, also I had had little relationship experience so I asked if what were happening was normal. I had so much tension, doubt and what ifs in my head, i was not a happy person at all. I don’t have any of that any more, i have got out and I am free. I am so sorry that you find yourself in this situation. The best thing that you can do is to start reading all of the posts on here, this forum freed me from my ex. There is so much, reading, website links available on here. Have a look at the post Trauma Bonding which has some very good suggestions. I wish you all the best. X*X

    • #20899
      Highfive
      Participant

      Thanks for your reply, really needed the support and i read that book! OMG it was an eye opener! But now i no wat to look for and how to protect myself in future!
      I am stating single, me and my LO can live a happy life together

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