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    • #66004
      itwillbeokay
      Participant

      …at the moment, in various different ways, feels like all night. He’s dead, his family blame me, he’s chasing me, we’ve got back together, it’s all hazy but there.

      I feel like the not knowing where he is or how he is is making me all knotted up and sending me backwards even though it’s his decision to not be in contact about the children. Because I wouldn’t be in contact about anything else. It’s all such a mess. I realise it was a shock to him that I actually finally left but he still could’ve played a part in their lives.

      I feel like I’m so obsessed with empowering myself with knowledge and researching everything about whatever I think is wrong with him that it’s delaying my actual healing now and I’m stuck.

      My new life is infinitely better but I still have all this mental torment weighing me down, constantly looking for validation about what I’ve done in leaving and taking the children away (detail removed by moderator). 

      x

    • #66033
      Anonymous
      Inactive

      I think it’s a way of processing (subconsciously) everything that has happened. I am still having dreams that he chasing and cornering me. In the main I am running away in my dreams. In reality I’m obsessed too. To understand why this happened and why I feel that I let this happen. I know in my head it’s not my fault but I wondered for a long time is it because I felt insecure. I see now it was fear plus trauma bonding etc. What I would like now is justice. That’s my aim, not sure if I will achieve that but I’m also aware I can’t let my life being consumed by the past anymore xx it’s deep 😐

      • #66038
        JaneEyre
        Participant

        Not been on here for a while, but reading this makes me realise I still need to keep visiting and posting.

        I’m in a much better place, but in another kind of hell.

        Can’t explain it, terrified to talk about it, people’s expectations of how I should feel and where I should be at in the process of this is making it even harder.

        I know they care.
        I know they are worried.

        But I can’t put a timescale on this.

        (detail removed by moderator) years together.

        I have no idea when I will feel better….can’t they just accept that??

        Feeling down,
        JaneEyre

    • #66034
      Anonymous
      Inactive

      Sorry for the typos x

    • #66039
      JaneEyre
      Participant

      Forgot to mention the dreams/nightmares that plague me daily/nightly.

      Recently turned into hallucinations.

      I begged my mum to take my children.

      I couldn’t tell was real and was not.

      I can feel h whispering in my ear, kissing my neck. It’s terrifying.

      All I get is…you need to pull yourself together and be strong for your children.

      I thought that was what I was doing by leaving???

      Feel like I’m losing my mind 😞

    • #66074
      itwillbeokay
      Participant

      Another dream last night. About him and his family, my in-laws. I recently blocked their messages as they were not good for me to read.

      Wake up every morning unsettled for work.

      I left earlier in the year and feel like I’m going backwards.

      Jane do you see a counsellor? I’m wondering if I’m feeling like this as I’ve not seen mine for 3 weeks as she was on holiday…

      x

    • #66090
      cupofcoffee
      Participant

      Just wanted to say that I dream of my ex every night too, in my dreams his arms are around me and we are all loving with each other.

      I feel very unsettled waking up but then realise that the reality was a lot different and I remember all the bad things that happened, but it is very bizarre to have these dreams, really not sure what my subconscious is trying to say so it is interesting that I am not the only one who is going through this.

    • #66116
      itwillbeokay
      Participant

      It’s horrible isn’t it. It’s like he’s always in my mind, just under the surface literally 24/7.

    • #66272
      teatime
      Participant

      I have dreams too. It’s the subconscious processing the fear and grief one feels. At times of stress the dreams are more frequent. I take a prescribed codeine at night and this helps. One dream is recurrent, it’s I am moving to somewhere haunted and I have to marry him ..it’s obvious to me exactly what that means. He never cared about my well being and basically he stole the money I thought we were saving for a home of our own.
      I also am in a very rocky place accommodation wise and so I link home and marriage.
      However it is only a dream and thank God I am not married to him any more.
      I wonder sometimes if hypnotherapy would help?

    • #66274
      Twisted Sister
      Participant

      I still have them pretty much most nights!

      I have remarkably had two good dreams one last week and week before. But recently report sa, and sadly that is making dreams more monstrous. Last night’s I can’t even repeat. Normally though he is there whatever is happening in the drea m an ever present presence,or messing with my head of I’m hiding from him cantnget him away.

      The one of the good ones was him starting to shout and lose it and there were others in the room, bedroom, and I stood up and shouted ‘get out’ he went to say something and I shouted leave me alone, an he backed oot of the room.
      He looked at the others who just stared back at him and he left. I think thats to do with feeling supported. As I agree about the not believing yourself and all the toing and froing, head mess.

      Dear Jayne Eyre how terrifying. This is what continual terror does and the brain trying to make sense of it. Do you feel safe where you are, do you have support? Those things first and then maybe meds would give you a bit of a break?

      Warmest wishes ladies ts

    • #66283
      Bleedingheart
      Participant

      I dream almost every night,it really really annoys me,as I can have a good day then go to bed to be tormented by that monster. Last week was him following me on the school run and throwing acid on me while all the other mum’s looked on in horror,sometimes it was just water and he’d walk off laughing. Had to hold it together for the little one but as soon as I got to work had a massive panic attack and ended up in a heap in the toilets. Haven’t had a panic attack for months until then. I’m hoping the nightmares with subside over time,I think it’s just your brains way of processing everything that’s happened. I had a delayed reaction to everything I went through,I never cried after he’d raped me,I just went to cook tea! All I can be thankful for is that is been months and months since I’ve had to endure is cruelty in the waking life. Best wishes, hope your dreams become pleasant ones. Xx

    • #66393
      Anonymous
      Inactive

      Hi everyone, I have these horrific dreams too especially if I get reminders of him or his behaviour throughout the day. You know when you have therapy for phobias? Maybe we can understand in a similar way why our minds process this Information in the form of a threat. In therapy for phobias they repeatedly expose the person to the threat and in time the brain realises this is not a realit. The body and mind are clever,xx

    • #66424
      Iwantmeback
      Participant

      Hi ladies, can i ask if all you having dreams have left their ex’s. Ive only had one dream fairly recently, woke myself up begging him to go away leave me alone. Were still together but not sure for how long.
      He used to ask me if i fantasized about anyone while we made love, (cos we did at one point) and i always said i didnt need to fantasize as he was my fantasy guy.
      I have a huge fancrush on some (detail removed by moderator) character and hes so jealous of that, yet i never dream of him. I used to physically feel his presence next to me in bed even when he wasnt there, boy i had it bad. Ive gone from being besotted to not caring at all about him.😞😞

    • #66426
      Twisted Sister
      Participant

      Mine are since leaving.

      Good dreams to everyone x

    • #66843
      dustypink
      Participant

      I have these dreams too, almost every night. My 1st husband, and my 2nd, and my dad. I can’t separate them even.
      He came back and told he will be living with us again.
      I am fighting with him, shouting at him.
      Or shouting at hus friends who think this all was my fault.
      I cannot fall asleep till midnight and wake up early.
      I’ve swapped the rooms with the kids, bought new bedding, redecorating the house.
      Since he left I had no contact from him at all, and this scares me.
      He doesn’t pay child maintenance, he doesn’t want to see his children, he doesn’t collect his remaining belongings.
      I am trying to concentrate on my own life, but this all makes a lote of stress for me.
      I feel like he is still controlling me by this ignorance.

      • #66852
        itwillbeokay
        Participant

        I had to reply to tell you you’re not alone. I feel like I’m living on a knife edge waiting for a next move as my husband has not seen his children in a couple of months and no contact from him in weeks. I blocked his number after asking him to just use email and contact a solicitor to arrange safe visitation and radio silence ensued. Makes me feel very nervous and sad and guilty and weird and worried. So I completely understand xx

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