Dreaming about him

[ddia]

It’s not been long since we broke up, this time I’m confident it’s the right thing and I’ve not once had thoughts of going back to him. I’m keeping busy, seeing friends, exercising and also allowing myself some down time to process it all. I’m already starting to see things more clearly, and see him for who is really is. Overall, it’s all positive progress despite sometimes having a complete meltdown and a good cry.

But every night I dream about him. He’s being abusive and angry in my dream, and I’m trying to defend myself. I wake up feeling anxious, sick and with a headache from having my teeth clenched. It takes me half the morning to reset. I don’t know how to try and stop this.

Anyone got any advice?

[Bee1]

Hi ddia,
I can surely relate. I too had these kind of mornings after vivid dreams like this.
I would wake up and tears were already rolling down my face, it’s a strange sensation.
I have since concentrated on being in the Now of each moment as much as I can. I have/am using every tool I can find to help keep me grounded. I use aromatherapy,meditation, self hypnosis (Michael Sealey -YouTube), reading positive inspirational literature, and trying to rekindle my creativity, I was too emotionally exhausted to even lift a paint brush for many years.

I do think this is the ‘shrapnel’ of their mental conditioning, in time it happens less and less. But if I woke in the night in the fear, I’d sit on my bed edge, feel my feet firmly on the floor, look around, i am not in danger right now, I am safe, that dream is not actually reality. Not any more. And steady your breathing down mindfully.
It sinks in slowly, keep grounded in The Now.
Take comfort in all the lovely little things that mean so much now without the chaos. 🙏🏼💓

[Eggshells]

Hi ddia

I really feel for you. Its horrible to be free and still have to deal with the fear.

Now that it is safe to do so, your mind us processing what you have been through. You can get help with this.

Most local authorities have NHS self referral schemes for online counselling which can be very good. Try Googling “Insight IAPT near me” or NHS counselling near me. They will give you an initial assessment and tell you what options are available to you. EMDR can be really useful for the symptoms you are having.

There is a waiting list so finding some coping strategies that work for you, like the one Bee1 mentioned woukd be a good idea. If you can’t find a self referral scheme, please visit your GP for a referral.

Using an app to help settle your mind can also help. Insight Timer is free and it has some lovely bedtime meditations which you may find helpful.

You’ve had some really traumatic experiences and it does take time and effort to work through them I’m afraid. It can be done though, one positive step at a time. xx

[brokenheartedgirl1234]

hi ddia,

i am so sorry you are going through this, it is terrible!

have a look at this thread i posted two months ago i went through the same thing and theres loads of responses on what to do:

Bad dreams every night and I wake up feeling depressed

Trust me as days go on you will be stronger and hopefully dream of him less. we are all here for you!
its great that you are exercising and taking care of yourself..

try do these steps (this is what i did)
1) get yourself a korean sheet mask garnier sell them.. i put one every week and it makes me feel amazing 🙂
2) treat yourself because leaving an abusive man is the hardest thing to ever do! you got this!
make sure you talk to someone about the dreams, the reason you may be experiencing this is because u are going through the abuse in your head(i do this almost every hour of every day).

3)start journalling and defo go get therapy from IAPT as eggshells mentioned there is a waiting list but its worth it.
4)educate yourself on abusers they groom us! read why does he do that, us women on the forum love that book.

YOU GOT THIS!
the dreams do eventually stop i will pray for you! sending you hugs 🙂

[Author]

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