Dreaming over 2 years on

[Poppety]

Last night I dreamt ex was looking in the fridge and he began shouting at me and I was upset & shaken but he didn’t look like him he looked like my mother’s ex husband (my CS abuser) only a younger version of himself, I woke up panicked with my heart racing. I managed to fall back off only to dream I was being discarded by ex again but he had a woman in the background & he was shouting at me, telling me I’m crazy whilst this woman looked on but clearly enjoying his behaviour towards me. He was throwing my belongings towards me whilst I was begging for clarity just like I’d done time&time again over the years, I woke up again panicked.. Went back to sleep around half 5 in the morning. Woke up remembering the dreams & panick. The dreams were going around & around in my head on the way to work and I cried for my entire journey there but I have the survival ability to put a face on & carry on the day as though nothing had happened, is this even normal?… For me it is as its something I’ve learnt to do from a young age so no one would guess what I was going through. It’s left me feeling angry all day and have no idea why the two men who caused me the most pain moulded into one in my dream.. Is this normal? . I’ve woken panicked previous times before & at one time had months worth of it, night after night after being triggered by so many different things in a short space of time which resulted in a break down. The shouting, gaslighting & discarding with threats of physical intimidation was what I experienced and how I felt during these times the panic, the heart racing, feeling sick, worthless, desperate is all that I have felt in my dreams.. Then it’s not dealing with the dreams, it’s dealing with the thoughts and memories of that dream & the reality of what I’d gone through all day afterwards even more so than my current mindset of daily remunating over and over everything that I’ve ever endured.. Its literally a fight every day

[Lisa]

Hi,

Thank you for your post. I’m sorry to hear about your situation. That must have been distressing, nightmares, flashbacks can be the brains way of trying to process trauma. Its understandable this is having an impact on you and that you are feeling exhausted.

You can access free online courses created by or in partnership with therapists specialising in trauma at Bloom. These courses can be accessed in your own time and at your own pace and cover topics such as trauma, abuse and boundaries.

Best Wishes

Lisa

[Author]

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