Driving myself mad

[Japan]

I’m really sorry to post on here again because I feel like a lot of people have it worse than me and I shouldn’t be moaning, I always feel so guilty for talking about myself, I much prefer to listen to others! But I’m just feeling like I need some advice please … a lot of the abusers I read about seem to not want there partners to leave them and always try to force them to stay but with my boyfriend he doesn’t care if I stay or not !? I don’t get why he is like this ? Why is he with me if he doesn’t care about me ? Would he be like this with everyone ? I feel like he used to do anything to get me to stay but now he says I don’t care about you and I don’t care if you leave or if you have someone else ? Why does he spend all his time with me but say these things ? It’s like the words don’t match his actions ? And that’s what hurts me the most ! Also does anyone else worry that you are the reason for making him abusive ? I always feel like I have made him this way and that with someone else he wouldn’t treat him like this but I deserve this because of what I have done wrong in the past.. I can’t even talk to him about how I feel anymore because he just mad or ignores me, I have so much going round in my head and it’s making me go mad and I can’t even let it out, he lies about little things, hides his phone, spends time with friends who are a bad influence on him, I think he’s messaging other girls, he’s only nice when he wants something from me, always calling me little names that put me down, I’m worried he’s back on the dating websites, he’s liking girls pictures which he knows upsets me, he seems distant with me and unaffectionate and I don’t know what to do anymore I feel like I’m going mad and could explode at any point but I just keep it bottled up because I don’t want to argue with him and I don’t want him to leave me and find someone better, I feel so low, please any advice would be great x

[Wants To Help]

Hi there,

Sorry to read you are feeling so low at the moment, but please may I ask what positives you are getting from this relationship? Your boyfriend is not showing you any love or support at all and is possibly cheating on you. He has told you he doesn’t care about you and doesn’t care if you leave. There are signs there that he has met someone else. His behaviour is not nice at all and I can see how it is bringing you down. However, if he is so unhappy, is it possible for him to leave? Or do you live with him in his property rather than live jointly owned/tenanted?

If it is possible for him to leave and move on and he is choosing not to but to treat you like this instead then his behaviour is despicable and disrespectful, and some of it is abusive, such as the name calling.

Do you have children together, or joint finances on the tenancy or mortgage? If not, then you really need to read all of these negative signs that this relationship has run its course and is not bringing anything of value to your life at all. If children and finances are tied in to this then I understand leaving him is not quite as easy. You have become dependent on this man and need to learn how to break free of him. Don’t put yourself down and fear he will leave you for someone ‘better’, he may not even leave you at all but will continue to live with you and have affairs. Do not make yourself second best to this man, you deserve so much better.

[Author]

Posts