- This topic has 9 replies, 6 voices, and was last updated 4 years, 9 months ago by
.
-
Posts
-
-
With wanting to contact him. To say i Miss him say how much I love him and want our family back together. I know what he did I know that I must protect my children from that. But I keep thinking what If. What if he actually could have changed and I didn’t give him that chance. What happens if his met someone new now someone who meets everything he ever wanted. I can’t stand the thought of anyone near him anyone In our family home. I know people keep telling me it’s trauma bonding and I know I should stop feeling this way but I can’t I love him. His even made lies about me lately pretty damaging ones but I still can’t turn this feeling off. Wondering what his doing and who with. I wish I had a switch to turn off this love I have for him. I’m so close to contacting him. To phoning the police and saying I don’t want to press charges now but will that all backfire on me. I just want what’s best for my children and have I torn their little family apart. Is it too late for it ever to be repaired
-
Oh Yellowflower sorry your feeling like this. Please try to think of your children, they deserve a calm abuse free childhood. You have come so far, I think its natural to feel like you do, only human and you are compassionate. Your ex does not love you like you love him, you just need to give yourself time to move on and heal. Your children will be grateful you are doing this when they are older, please try your best to not contact the ex. Think of the times he was abusive and infront of the children, would you really want to go back and live like that?
-
-
its ok to feel like this – theres going to feel like s big void, because these guys do make our world revolve around them. did you manage to see the gp about how your feeling? sometimes we go back they say on average 7 times. if that pull feels like you need it like a drug and your withdrawing then its a toxic bond. im sure there is an element off love this man was your family. of course your going to feel these really strong emotions – let them out have a good cry – talk about how you feel. try not to contact him if you can and remind yourself you dont know how he will react – safety has to come first
-
I told her about the physical problems I’m having because of the stress but I didn’t tell her about anything else. It’s just awful I hate feeling this way. I know i should hate him I know his made up so much stuff lately that’s all lies. I guess I’m craving those rare moments we had where life seemed perfect but I know they never lasted. I wish I could turn my feelings off. I went out today to a party the first time without him and I just craved my little family I wanted him there playing with the kids. But I know if he had of come it would have gone how it usually did with an argument before about going and then him saying he wanted to go every 5 minutes. I guess today is a bad day I feel sad sad I will never have my little family together again
-
Your grieving and going through lots off stress too on top off it all. Cut yourself some slack. I can only say this will get better for you in the long run. I know it dosent feel it but sometimes we have to deal with the hard stuff first then it gets smoother. It takes Time and you will have bad days xxxx try to stay busy x
-
All the perhaps guilt and upset thsat you say you have for breaking up your little family, is not yours to have, its his.
You have made it clear that if there had been any other way it would have happened. It hasnt, it didnt, and thats only because of him.
Yes, you had to get away and keep you all safe, but someone has to draw a line somewhere, again, he wasnt going to.
You have done something very hard to do, you have managed this and made it stop.
Sadly, thus was only way it was ever going to stop.
It’s huge what you have achieved and this pain you feel now will pass. Every time you feel it,make extra efforts to comfort and soothe yourself, be kind to you and indulge yourself in little treats and planning nice things to do, play games with your children, anything to just get you through that moment.
Warmest wishes
TS
-
My lovely yellow flower you are not alone I am completely where you are now. I have been out safely for a short while and my children are so much better for it so I know that I will never go back with them as a family because my love for them exceeds my love for him. He put me and a position where it was them or him and he was never going to win. But I feel like I am walking around in a daze with this ache inside of me for him. This terrible ache that is effecting every aspect of my being at the moment. I don’t want him to come home or anything like that, I just want him to hold me. I want to touch him and smell him and I’m very close to just turning up on his doorstep. I go through all kind of scenarios in my head which is ridiculous. We’re talking about someone who has hurt me in the most horrendous ways imaginable and yet here I am crying at the drop of the hat and all these thoughts just Lee going round my head. I know I’ve romaticised it in my head, I know it won’t be how I picture it but it just won’t go. I am trusting the other survivors who say it will pass, it seems to happen every couple of weeks, I’m wondering if it’s got normal? Sorry to have hijaked your post but just wanted to say I’m here and we’ll all get through this together. Xxxx
-
Oh, darling, nobody can tell you how you ought to be feeling, not even you!
The only thing to do is let those feelings wash on through and out the other side. Don’t try to block them, or they’ll just build up until a dam bursts somewhere. Just feel it and let it pass in its own time. One thing you can be 100% sure of is this: you will not go on feeling like this forever.
In the meantime, do please sit on your hands whenever you’re tempted to make contact. That will only put you right back to the beginning again with all the work to do over!
Flower x
-
the feeling does pass and life changes again – usually for the better with the right boundaries yes definitely. looking back all that pain and these very similar feelings were worth it for a life free from eggshells and him tearing me apart everyday. we do eventually get to a point where we cant take that anymore and sometimes it takes that turning point to finally draw that line in the sand xx
-
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.
