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    • #119301
      Cantmakedecisons
      Participant

      I’m pretty sure I’ve read a thread on here before about these men using drugs for coercion..?

      I was feeling the strongest I’ve felt in a long time just before Xmas (quite a few blips)and was really looking forward to this year ending after it being incredibly horrid.

      I agreed for us all to be together Xmas (detail removed by moderator), I wanted the kids to have the best possible time and I knew they wouldn’t if we were apart.

      Usually I don’t stay for obvious reasons, I always preplan how I will get home and he knows this so there’s no convincing me to stay.

      Anyways,  (detail removed by moderator) I woke up still there.. half dressed. I did drink but not enough to be out of it like this! I was very careful what I had because I didn’t want my judgement clouded. I can’t remember anything and feel so stupid and out of control again.

      Could he have put something in my drink? Surely I would have noticed? Or am I just being super paranoid?

    • #119302
      KIP.
      Participant

      Yes he could easily have put something in your drink or food. Have you ever had an episode like this before? It sounds highly suspicious. When you say half dressed was there any sign of sexual activity? These men are capable of anything. It might be too late to do a blood test but I’d speak to my GP.

      • #119305
        Cantmakedecisons
        Participant

        No I haven’t, unfortunately I always remember everything.

        I was really uncomfortable when i woke up, and yes in answer to your question.

        Deffo too late for a blood test.

    • #119304
      iliketea
      Participant

      I’d say yes, he could have. If it happens again, definitely go and have a blood test straight away. I’m SO sorry you’ve had to go through this. Horrible, it happened to me once, and Ive only recently had flashbacks to it and remembered parts of what happened, and it was more than a decade ago. It is frightening. If I was you, I would report it anyway, it builds a picture with the police. Take care, stay safe, and this is YOUR year, remember that! xxxx

      • #119306
        Cantmakedecisons
        Participant

        I wondered if i blocked out what happened rather than it being induced? I don’t want to remember I just need to know so if it’s my fault then to make sure it doesn’t happen again.

    • #119307
      KIP.
      Participant

      No it’s not your fault. If he can drug and rape you then being anywhere near him is dangerous

    • #119308
      KIP.
      Participant

      You might want to ring rape crisis and talk to someone and also get an STI test as soon as possible. Pregnancy test too x

      • #119311
        Cantmakedecisons
        Participant

        KIP – is that done there? at a centre? I work in healthcare and don’t want my Colleagues to know.

    • #119312
      KIP.
      Participant

      You can get both done at your GP which is confidential x

    • #119313
      KIP.
      Participant

      You can buy the pregnancy test from a shop and do it yourself. My STI test was a urine sample I dropped off at the doctor.

    • #119322
      Lisa
      Main Moderator

      Hi Cantmakedecisons

      I am sorry to hear about your situation, this is not your fault. I just wanted to show you some support, I can see that you have had lots of supportive replies with really helpful suggestions.

      You could also contact Rape Crisis https://rapecrisis.org.uk/ They can let you know where your nearest Sexual Assault Referral Centre is, they can check you over there. It’s all confidential and they will just explain more about your options.

      Take care and keep posting

      Lisa

    • #119348
      KIP.
      Participant

      Hey,I just wanted to add that if he did this it’s a really serious offence committed by an extremely dangerous man. If convicted he would go to jail for a very long time. It’s just the same as if a complete stranger did this to you. I just don’t want to minimise or normalise his behaviour in any way or downplay the psychological effect on you. Take care of yourself x

      • #119350
        Cantmakedecisons
        Participant

        KIP – you’re not minimising/normalising but I think I am. So much has happened or continues to happen that I literally have no idea what’s ok or normal anymore..it’s like I’m living in this constant fog, I just about see a path and then it clouds over again.

      • #119377
        KIP.
        Participant

        It’s the sort of act I minimised in my own abusive relationship and that’s why I mention it. I began reality testing because of abuse. My ex would also commit horrible acts then carry on like nothing had happened or be nice to me which made things even more confusing. Jeckyl and Hyde.

      • #119384
        Cantmakedecisons
        Participant

        Yes exactly this.. pretending nothing has happened, almost as if I’ve imagined it, I often question my own sanity.

    • #119349
      KIP.
      Participant

      You can still report this to the police as these men are very often serial offenders. He may still have the drug in his house,

    • #119404
      Eggshells
      Participant

      Hi honey. Sorry, I hadn’t read this when I sent you a pm earlier.

      Given the history, I think you know the answer to this.

      My son was drugged just over a year ago. Given what I witnessed in him, your children will have noticed a change in you if they were still at the house when you were drugged.

      Please log this with SARCS. If you get to the point where you feel like you want to go ahead with the prosecution, you’ll wish that you had this logged.

      • #119448
        Cantmakedecisons
        Participant

        Eggshells – I didn’t know that about your son, I’m sorry he had to go through that! When you say ‘log it’ with SARCS, how do I do that?

    • #119454
      KIP.
      Participant

      Google your local one and talk to them x

      SARCs (sexual assault referral centres) are specialist medical and forensic services for anyone who has been raped or sexually assaulted. They are designed to be comfortable and multi-functional, providing private space for interviews and forensic examinations, and some may also offer sexual health and counselling services. Their services are free of charge and provided to women, men, young people and children.

      SARCs provide services to victims/survivors of rape or sexual assault regardless of whether the survivor/victim chooses to reports the offence to the police or not. They have specialist staff that are trained to help you make informed decisions about what you want to do next.

      Some SARCs have Independent Sexual Violence Advisers (ISVAs) who provide a range of specialist support to victims/survivors which vary case by case and are dependent on individual needs. Typically ISVAs provide impartial information to victims/survivors regarding their options, from reporting to the police to accessing other relevant services.

      • #119461
        Cantmakedecisons
        Participant

        But remember this was Xmas evening, all evidence would be gone already. I have taken pics of bruises etc

    • #119455
      KIP.
      Participant

      Rape crisis also have helplines that could signpost you x

    • #119464
      KIP.
      Participant

      The evidence is you reporting the incident. Describing how you felt. Getting an STI and pregnancy test and having it logged for the future. He may do it to another woman or he may do it to you again. You will be glad you told them and had it logged with them. Even if you don’t feel comfortable visiting then at least talk to one of their advisors as the mental repercussions may not be obvious just now x

    • #119555
      Cantmakedecisons
      Participant

      I emailed a local SARCS last night.

    • #119557
      KIP.
      Participant

      Well done. Just take baby steps 💕

    • #119558
      KIP.
      Participant

      Let us know how you get on. I’m sure there will be other women on here who may need to use the in future x save that email somewhere safe x

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