Tagged: Mental control
12th January 2016 at 9:15 pm #7628SerenityParticipant
A lot of things keep coming into my head. I am still trying to tie up the loose ends of my experience in my mind, I suppose.
Did anyone else’s abuser deliberately try to stop them from becoming computer literate, or educated, or were they unhelpful when you were trying to increase your knowledge about something? As if they were deliberately trying to keep you uni firmed and unaware?
I was a late starter with technology, and he tried his best to not be helpful in getting me to understand it.
He hated me reading papers and engaging in learning of any kind.
It was like a dictatorship and censorship- censoring what I knew, understood and read. I could only know about certain things that he felt were safe. Safe, in terms of not allowing me to become too clued up.
I suppose it is another firm of kidnapping someone and imprisoning them- though here you are kidnapping their mind.
12th January 2016 at 9:19 pm #7629SerenityParticipant
Uninformed and unaware
12th January 2016 at 9:36 pm #7635Falling SkysParticipant
He would suppress any point of view I had, in the end I dumbed down to survive.
I would spend hours helping him with his course work, but when I had issues all he said was don’t do it.
I even my jokes about my stupidity. Even now I find myself doing it.
12th January 2016 at 9:37 pm #7636KIP.Participant
Hi, mine would treat me like a child and laugh at me when I would suggest ways to better myself. I think it was all part of robbing our self confidence. To keep us dependent on them so we had no distractions from fulfilling their needs. Once again showing their own insecurity.
12th January 2016 at 9:53 pm #7644White RoseParticipant
Refused to let me extend my learning. Refused to let me go on courses and on the rare occasions I did made such a fuss it actually detracted from the learning I achieved. A couple of times he was “ill” when I needed to go away so I ended up missing it to take on child care and basic nursing duties. Gosh he was pathetic when he had a cold!!!!
Never helped with anything I struggled with but wanted me to drop everything if he needed help.
Like KIP I used to be laughed at for developing my skills and he’d put down everything I ever challenged him on intellectually.
Child abuse includes failure to allow a child to engage with education. Domestic abuse may need another sub definition too!
12th January 2016 at 10:45 pm #7655marblesgoneParticipant
Hi guys mine always had a better way of doing things and things had to be where he wanted them. So nice to go through the house slowly placing things where I want them knowing there won’t be a row when he gets in. It’s all control isn’t it?
16th January 2016 at 12:08 am #7818Confused123Participant
Mine was yes against me studying but then was weird in sense he’d say u deal with all financial debts and stress , I’m just gonna bring u down and down, make your life hell but u have to get jobs all done
27th January 2016 at 3:50 pm #8464newlife2015Participant
Makes them feel superior that’s all. My ex would pretend to be all supportive when I started studying for a diploma (probably as he was hoping I would get a pay rise and he organised all the finances) but then I would never actually get the time/space I needed as he was so needy – in the end it was easier not to bother! Feel disappointed that I have let so many years slip away……
29th January 2016 at 11:31 am #8562one day at a timeParticipant
It’s so awful that these men have been so manipulative and kept us from learning. I relate to so much of what you share Serenity.
My ex sabotaged every attempt for me to get back to work after I had children and then when I tried to get qualifications he would kick off whenever I tried to get out of the house.
I even made special arrangements to reduce the time outside and do more studying from home. But that didn’t suit him either because I would be accused of ignoring him. I gave up on so many courses. And I missed exams because he would agree to let me use our car to get to college then change his mind because he needed it. Or if I did manage to get to college he would sulk, accuse me of affairs, complain about the state of the house etc till eventually it was easier to not go at all.
Any time I tried to express my opinions he would start sneering ” who the f*** do you think you are? ”
Mental control is so hard to overcome because when all you hear is that you’re useless and that is reinforced by their extreme reactions when you do try to better yourself.
I’ve been apart from my abuser for a while but his comments and behaviour still impact me.
This year though I feel ready to start to learn some new skills and get some different qualifications. I know I can do it. We all can with a little self belief. Xx
10th March 2017 at 7:12 pm #39124EyeswideshutParticipant
This really does sound familiar ive alwsys wanted to study to be a midwife and my partner has always said im not good enough or brainy enough and too thick to do the course!! I believed it in the end so gave up! Everytime i fill in application forms etc he says things like are you still thinking of what your is you stuck on that section or what will you write in skills and experience i can clean babies and jus know enough knowledge to get through the day! Cannot believe he still has this hold over me! Feel for you x
10th March 2017 at 9:20 pm #39127NovaParticipant
Serenity, your spot on..seriously in the few months I’ve ESCAPED from THAT, I feel a bit more like me, the old me is resurrecting, I honestly cannot emphasise it enough …even through the troubles I face. Im getting me back & its a good feeling. Music, learning, my spirit, I’m connecting with it all.
I cannot believe what a detrimental effect he had on me, robbing me of my world the world.
he used to say, oh your ALWAYS wanting to study something (he has nowt no quals no ‘interest’ only hatred)
they are …in every way..rotten. Even when I remember ‘good’ times…now after a painful few months…and a more than a decade, I really want justice.
I have suffered and you have and many 1000000 of women, ultimately for
‘love’. I wont be tarnished by that nobody
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