Each day is a struggle

[cupcakes]

Everyone has told me I’m so brave for leaving and that the hard part is done but it isn’t that was actually easy every day is hard…

I have put all my energy the last few weeks to build a new home for me and the children as I left with just clothes in a bag and each time I feel I’m moving a little further he does something.

I feel scared to look at my emails because of all the nasty twisted stuff his emailing me about I’m scared to open the post in case its more letters from the courts I feel sick daily.

I hate this life my children go to him and come back like strangers I am scared his twisting their heads against me. I seriously think his got mental issues some of the things he says to them.

I have anxiety about everything even shopping in our village in case I see him.

The email I get are shocking and I ignore every nasty twisted comment and just reply politely with regards to child arrangements as I’m too scared to say anything as I know his going to try and use anything against me in court to try and destroy me.

So yes leaving was easy life is hard

[KIP.]

Are you in contact with your local women’s aid? Is there a third party he can email about contact or a contact book the kids can take. You need to stop direct contact. Can you get your shopping delivered in the meantime? I used to get my sister to read letters from lawyers etc and just tell me the basics until I felt stronger. Councelling helps too. You will get stronger but contact brings triggers x

[SunshineRainflower]

I agree with Kip, you shouldn’t have to deal with these emails, it is continued abuse. You need a third party to arrange the contact. Definitely ring the helpline and your local service for advice, you shouldn’t have to put up with this, I’m not surprised you are feeling low and anxious. Things will improve greatly once you have low/no contact with him as then you can heal and build up a life for yourself and your children.

[cupcakes]

There isn’t really a local womens aid to me and things like the freedom programme etc is only available while I am at work.

My sister is happy to do contact for children arrangements but he refused to do that . .I’ve told him no contact but he continues to contact. I’ve told his his email are not appropriate and should be just dates for the children.

Not sure how to move on

[Goldengirl]

I, too, feel like yes it’s brave to leave but that is just the start of the rollercoaster. Every day is a struggle for us. Just as we might sort one problem, these abusers throw another curve ball at us, just to keep some control over us. The freedom programme helped me to see that it is all tactics by them. Perhaps, when you are stronger, you can do the online programme – it is quite liberating. You will learn that everything they do is designed to manipulate us, I found out that even things I thought had to be down to me were just him playing more mind tricks. Something for you to consider doing in the future. As for the contact. I blocked his and his family on my phone. I set up a new email and contacted everyone to shift them to my new email (this was important for my work). This way he didn’t know I had changed my email, he could use my old one. Your sister can read his emails and only tell you about the contact arrangements but you will still have the abusive messages for any court cases. This way, he only contacts you through email for child contact and you don’t read them. Be strong. Life after abuse is a b**ch and a struggle for a long time. I am coming to the end (detail removed by Moderator) but still struggle with day to day things. I only do official stuff each day until I have had enough and then put them away until the next day. However, it does get easier and no contact is a huge weight off your shoulders.

[KIP.]

Hey cupcakes, it’s not upto him how you want to move forward. I would tell him all contact is now through your sister. You have tried it his way and it’s making you fearful and ill. Make sure he knows that you won’t have direct contact with him. Then block his number and his email. If he continues to contact you then report him to the police for harassment. I know this sounds harsh but it’s the only way to move forward. You have a right to feel safe and not intimidated. He will keep using the kids either way but at least you will be stronger without his direct contact. I could maybe visit a solicitor and perhaps get something in writing meantime. Don’t believe he will ever be reasonable so you need to take control back. Don’t listen to a word he says. It’s your life. Your kids. Your decision x

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