Emotional morning……

[Camelia Daisy]

This morning has been really tough. I’ve been trying to focus on other things for a while in an attempt not to wear myself down but I think it’s all surfaced over the weekend after some horrendous nightmares.

My children were pretty disorganised and tired getting ready for school, so I hurried them up, etc. but my eldest got a bit stroppy and I told him to stop talking to me like rubbish. I asked him why he felt it was ok to be so rude and he said that all I ever do is tell them off and talk to him badly.

I was shocked into silence. I have been less patient and snappier with them both lately. They have been pretty lazy and talking back A LOT, buy I would usually manage it much better.

I feel terrible for making them feel bad. I cried the whole way back from school. I don’t want to be this overwhelmed, emotional, stressed, depressed mess but I’m not even sure where to find myself anymore. My counselling came to an end and I am struggling to manage my emotions, clearly, I wish I could go back to being happy and fun loving but I don’t know how.

There’s an ongoing situation with their dad for many many years and it’s taken all of my energy. I hope this is a bad day, unfortunately there seem to be so many more bad days than good anymore.

[KIP.]

Overwhelmed is how they make us feel. Try to limit yourself to three things a day until you feel on top again. Cut out anything you find is adding stress. Don’t take on any new projects. Who cares if the dishes don’t get done for a couple of days. Maybe talk to your kids and let them know you’re feeling a little sad at the moment and it’s not their fault but a little support would be good. Re engage with counselling and ring the Samaritans for a chat when you need to. They are freephone and really helped me offload. Keep offloading on here too and know you’re not alone and will get there in the end. It’s a rollercoaster as you know so enjoy the highs when they come. Write down the good times and when you’re feeling low you can read them back. Keep ticket stubs and photos and memories of the good days. Write down things you’re thankful for. Your safety, your children etc. Much love ❤️ And a big hug 🤗

[Camelia Daisy]

That’s such great advice. Thank you. I will do that, it has become very hard to see the positives about me lately I think this will help a lot.

I do try to talk to the kids but ultimately they are just kids so they think you are ok 10 minutes later. I love this about them too.

I do feel like he’s winning, he’s pushed me to the edge and I’m loosing my grip. I will continue to off load, yes. I just wonder if the best thing to do is let the kids dad have what he wants and maybe he will leave me alone and I xan cherish my time with them again instead of being so scared of getting anything wrong and their dad using against me. I would miss them and it would tear me apart but at least they wpuld be away from me and all this emotional stress.

You are so wonderful KIP thank you x

[freedomtochoose]

Just wanted to say maybe also try to put the situation in perspective. It is not all you.
We are getting towards the end of term and even kids (and mums) run out of steam in a week
like this, to cap it all it is really hot and most people are not sleeping particularly well.
Cut yourself some slack eh.
all best
ftc
x

[KIP.]

Don’t ever give up the kids. Cut all direct contact with their father. Use a third party for contact and handover if possible. Speak to your GP and tell them his contact is damaging your mental health. You have every right to cut him from your life. You owe him nothing and he is toxic to you. It’s hard at first and it drives them mad when we take back control. He gave up the right to be in your life the minute he abused you. You cannot co parent with an abuser as they seize every opportunity to continue their abuse. Do you have family that can act as a go between? Don’t be afraid to tell people you cannot cope with direct contact. I had bail then restraining order now he has a warning letter we will take him back to court of he tries to contact me so I know how hard these men try. They have stamina but so do we x

[Camelia Daisy]

Your both so right, I need to keep it in perspective and stay strong.

I get so anxious when I’m not 100% as he uses times like this to tell me how bad of a parent I am and that the kids don’t want to be with me anyway.

It’s almost like he has done all the leg work now making me on edge and I am the one doing all the criticising for him now.

I do need to speak to the police and get this sorted once and for all. I’m just not sure I feel strong enough to deal with it all right now with being in the process of court already.

Thanks for all your advice. I’m still feeling pretty down and emotional but it’s so nice to have people who understand where I’m coming from with no opinion or judgement xx

[freedomtochoose]

Camelia lovely, I have been there,
It has taken me years to even believe that I am a decent mum.
But my child is the evidence.
Please share and it is tough I know being a lone parent.
But you are a warrior mum, like the rest of us.
We can go into battle (or peaceful times together)
Really appreciate your post,
I remember how I felt and wished that I coiuld have had this forum at the time.
We will all come across tough times but this forum is brill.
thanks ladies.
ftc
x

[freedomtochoose]

and KIP is right she always has something brill to say thanks KIP x

[freedomtochoose]

and you are right it is without judgement, hon I have been in this place I Really have
ftc
x

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