Emotional roller coaster….

[Alicenotichains]

So it’s like riding an emotional roller coaster. Fear corner, no contact drop, love loop the loop….

In my last counselling session we talked about me getting in touch with my anger about what happened as I currently don’t seem to be in touch with any anger. I don’t feel angry. I never really have – I have just taken it all- I just don’t feel angry- I don’t know how to feel angry about what happened.
I had a good weekend where I felt fine/happy/positive which was weird as I was expecting the weekend to be hard due to the ongoing no contact which I am enforcing.
Far from being in touch with anger, today I am at work and I am overwhelmed by feelings of love for him. I love him. I don’t hate him. I don’t want him to be unhappy. I want to know if he is ok. I hope he is. I feel like his family all hate me now that I have ended my relationship but I miss them also as they were like my family too. I dont understand how we got here, we had so many happy times, we got on so well some of the time. How did we get here? Did I overreact?

So this is exhausting. I was at work and my body felt all hot and panicky. I had to do some deep breathing. I felt like I wanted to run into his arms and give him a massive hug. I cried on my way to work.
(detail removed by Moderator) was an anniversary of a physical attack, social services have banned me from seeing him unless I want child protection involved, I have stuck to no contact but I wasn’t expecting these feelings of pure, strong love that I felt today.
I feel like this is going to be a long process. I am so glad I can post here, maybe one day I will read this back and think how far I have come. I wonder how I will feel tomorrow…

X*x

[Beenherebefore]

We all go through it hun (the emotional rollercoaster) and its totally normal after all the manipulation you have been through so please dont be so hard on yourself. You are doing so well with going no contact, well done, keep going! Stay strong, you can do itx x

[Anonymous]

How you are feeling is normal even though it doesn’t feel like that to you. I was exactly the same, kept remembering his good side, which in my case was maybe 20% the other 80% was cruel, scary & daunting. I was with him a long time & it becomes normal to live how we did, we forget how to be happy, we forget what a normal loving relationship is. They become someone who we feel can’t help how they act, we feel sorry for them & they put all the guilt on us, purposely done. Keep strong, you are worth so much more x

[Author]

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