Emotional vs physical abuse – thoughts please

[ISOPeace]

I was reading a post today that made me think about how people perceive physical and emotional abuse differently. I haven’t experienced physical abuse and I find it hard to imagine that emotional abuse is worse. But I don’t doubt people when they say in their experience the emotional abuse is worse. I wonder whether it is just so much easier to minimise the emotional abuse because we can’t see the damage.

I wrote this in a reply to a post:

“The metaphorical image that comes to mind reading your post is of him bullying you into having some major, painful, life changing surgery and then never letting you heal by forcing you to do things you’re not ready for and prodding the wound. But you can heal by getting away from him. I feel a bit sick thinking of this image. They’re all doing this to all their victims in some form all the time aren’t they?”

The metaphor I described is really appalling to me. But then so is abuse that is an emotional equivalent.

If to heal, we have to face the reality of what we’ve suffered, does it help to imagine it as if it were physical? E.g. sometime with my ex I would think “he’s trying to put me in an impossible position. It’s like he’s putting me in one of those rooms where the walls close in and telling me it’s my fault that I can’t get out”.

I guess we have to be careful not to dive in too deep at first, in case it’s really traumatising.

Anyway, I hope this makes sense. It’s quite a difficult thing to describe! I’d be really interested to hear any thoughts you all have on it. xxxx

[Pinkypanther]

ive not suffered physical abuse so i dont really have anything to compare the mental and emotional abuse i have suffered to.
I have been speaking to my support work and she said some things that really hit home.
People don’t always see mental and emotional abuse and there is no physical evidence, no bruises no cuts or bite marks and such people on the outside dont see what is happening the same when there is no marks, you dont get concerned friends asking how yo are and how on earth did you get that bruise, people dont see it and dont realise so you start to doubt your self. Hes someone different around other people so maybe it is just you.
with physical abuse bruises and such heals the emotional scars some times never go away.

Im not by any means saying the emotional abuse is worse than physical but it can be invisible if that makes sense.

as i say ive never suffered physical abuse so i dont have anything to compare it to.
I am finding it hard to work through everything that happened to me because somewhere inside there is still that bit that thinks, was it all me, was it in my head was i mentally unstable and going crazy like he lead me to believe

Sorry i realise I rambled on a little there and probably didnt give the sort of response you where after, hopefully someone will be able to help better xx

[KIP.]

Emotional abuse was way worse. The physical abuse just backs up the mental abuse in my experience. My bruises healed years ago but I still suffer PTSD.

[Scapegoat]

Having suffered both, I think emotional is worse.It remains unnoticed by others and is enough to drive you crazy. Hate it to the point where I think I wish you’d just hit me as generally after being assaulted the abuse calms down a bit.

[Lifebegins]

I have to agree emotional is worse. I’ve had both but much more so emotional than physical. Towards the end when he was emotionally abusing me day in day out for months and threatening me with physical, I was so exhausted and frightened that I just wanted him to physically abuse me to get it over with and so I could finally call the police with the physical ‘evidence’ so I could get help to leave. As many of us know, emotional abuse is much harder to prove and without the bruises these men can lie and smear and be believed.

Thankfully, when I did leave and reported him to the police, they were great and I got a lot of support. My ex’s flying monkeys though still don’t believe me or maybe they do, but just can’t face the truth! I think that’s the problem we face with emotional abuse; because there are no physical marks then people who don’t know any better (including ourselves until we have the lightbulb moment), don’t think it’s Domestic Abuse. So it’s not just us minimising it, it’s society. Hopefully that will change with the new laws and more awareness.

For me, it’s taking me much longer to get over the emotional abuse rather than physical violence but I’ve got a great counsellor from WA and the support of this forum has been amazing. Coming on here changed my life xx

[Anonymous]

For me the emotional abuse was just as bad as the physical abuse I wouldn’t say either was worse both just as traumatic. I’m on antidepressants now not quite able to deal with either just yet. Some things I had to bury deep down inside of me to cope. I think with physical abuse you knows it’s wrong, that love shouldn’t cause pain. But with emotional abuse I felt like it was my fault, like I was losing my mind. Sometimes after continually insulting me for hours i would snap and actually hit out, knowing that he could the hit me and it would stop. I’m so sorry to everyone who has had to experience any form of abuse and so grateful for this forum.

[Eggshells]

I honestly think they’re as bad as each other. They both leave the victim confused and frightened of their abuser. It’s different means to the same end. What exacerbates emotional abuse is that it is harder to spot so I suspect it often goes on for longer so the emotional wounds fester for longer and can be harder to heal.

[Author]

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