Emotionally & physically drained

[anotherlife]

Just need to let it out. I’m so tired of it all, I can go from feeling relieved that he’s gone to work away for a few days to a few minutes later, already dreading him coming home & i know he’ll be physically pestering me for sex, as he had 3 early nights when it was my time of the month! How obvious is he?!!! He knows I feel nervous after all he’s done & i havr physical health / high pain levels, which he chooses to ignore to get what he wants but pretends to be bothered about at other times but I know he doesn’t care about anything unless he gets his way / attention / me litening to him talk about himself.
All the months and episodes and blaming others and silences and accusations and intimidation and tempers and sexual coercion and going off in a huff if I refuse and upsetting the children and talking to his monther like s***, the list goes on and on. And on and on.
I just feel I’m not coping nearly as well as I did months ago and sinking more. I’m trying to find a job, do physio exercises & other to help my condition which won’t improve and run the house with 1 (detail removed by moderator) who can’t get his eyes off screens and a temperamental younger child, though they can also be lovely and loving.
Why isn’t there a beautiful island for us ladies to go and live on in peace and understanding??! I think of I escape into a fantasy world, I’ll be ok.
On a serious note, thank goodness for this forum and all you wonderful ladies x 💗

[lover of no contact]

Hi anotherlife,

I remember well being at the stage you’re at in the process of leaving an abuser. Its horrible, really horrible. I remember the dread of having to keep him happy with sex even though it was the last thing I wanted as his bad treatment of me had dampened down any love/intimacy I felt.

I just want to give you hope. I did get out of the abusive cycle with him. I did manage to get out of the relationship and I now am almost No Contact (he hasn’t stopped trying to come into my radar at times unfortunately). When at your stage where you are now I was so exhausted physically and emotionally as you describe. It really is an awful place to be but just keep posting and getting support from Women’s Aid in a plan to leave.

I moved through the awful phase you’re in now. Hang on in there. As well as posting I would increase your phone calls to Women’s Aid. That will move you forward in the difficult process of leaving.

[anotherlife]

Thank you lover of no contact. I appreciate all your comments and they do give me hope.
I’d feel so much better if he wasn’t here, I seem to wind myself up more each time he goes away for work and I know he’s coming back. I think I’ve got too used to him not being here and mainly because of all the other reasons, I just don’t want him back again.
I’ll keep hoping though and looking forward and I speak to WA every week at the moment, so I am getting some very good help.
Wishing you all well x

[freedomtochoose]

Just wanted to post some support. I can see a future where you will feel less stressed. and this person is far enough away so that you can start to recover. Welll done for reaching out to WA
keep reaching out, you will get there.
ftc
x

[Author]

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