Ended the relationship but he’s still here.

[VikingQueen]

He is supposed to be looking for a job so he can afford a flat, but he (detail removed by moderator) which meant going to the pub and getting hammered all day. I didn’t realise how drunk he was, as he’s good at hiding it. We’re supposed to be on good terms til he finds a job so he asked if I wanted to go to the pub tonight and I said OK.
Big mistake.
He was already really drunk as I realised when he got his first drink in.
He spent the night being off with me and when I tried to speak to him, he said I have (detail removed by moderator)
It was such a good reminder of why I broke up with him.
I was drinking soft drinks as I had the car. He kept wandering off to talk to people but then accused me of leaving him.
In the end I said I’m just going to go home as its obvious you just wanted me to come to the pub so you could carry on drinking.
He then rang and text me for ages, (detail removed by moderator)
He got home and came in the bedroom and said I’m holding out an olive branch, let’s be friends. I said OK. Like I always do and it was like nothing had changed and I feel so utterly trapped in this situation.
It’s my house, but he won’t go as he has no fixed income or anywhere to go. He’s been saying its likely to be months til he can even get a job then save for a bond. But he must have spent most of this week’s money on beer today.

[Hereforhelp]

Hi vikingqueen, I will be blunt… he’s not going anywhere and not without a fight, it is your house he stays in, does he pay anything towards bills?, he can go out get hammered, be abusive then pretend to make up and get on with his life… that set up suits him as he has no responsibilities and he is a classic abuser and will have many tactics/moods

His reasons are not your problem, they really aren’t and he is using them as an excuse, so many men use no fixed address, no income as a reason when it isn’t a reason. He is an adult, you asked him to leave (which I bet took a lot to say), it is totally upto him to find somewhere to stay.

Have you thought about giving him a time frame?… 2 more weeks and then out, irregardless if he has a place or Job?

Or, as this is your house applying for a non mol/residence order?

Keep posting ❤

[Anonymous]

I think he’s going be treating the situation as kind of squatter’s rights now , if you had him removed the council would have no choice but the put him in an cheap b and b somewhere till they find him permanency, the fact he’s no money and no fixed income is on him, he’s a grown man, they drag our care out to an extreme extent (and so do we till we can’t/won’t anymore ) if he’s mentioning common law rights hes probably at war with you but due to abusers severe competitive nature everything a competition or war anyway, (it’s like they’re on a completely different wavelength to us (having entirely different plans and motivations) as womens were expected to be nice, forgiving and kind and those traits are all good but abusive parasitic men use our traits to an extreme level until we lose ourselves get drained and don’t care any more, you have rights too, rights to be free of an abuser/abuse ,rights to be happy and so many other rights oh and I’d bet my life you’ve got way more personality than him, (I know who I’d rather spend a day with) 💖💞💖

[VikingQueen]

Aww thank you, that means a lot to hear that. I may be not as loud as him but the couple of people I told that he said I’m boring and no personality said that’s absolutely untrue.
He’s woken up this morning and said he was 100% at fault last night and it won’t happen again. We’ll see, eh?

[Anonymous]

He’s acting as if everything is normal,(hes got his feet well under) it shouldn’t happen again cos he should be gone! 🚀 🌠

[Bananaboat]

As Heretohelp said, he’s not going anywhere. He’s a parasite and you’re his host, I fell for these lines too and like you, every week watched him splash all his cash away on drink and drugs then tell me he can’t pay his bills. You’re living in limbo and won’t be able to fully move on and recover until he’s gone. He’s going to be nasty eitherway and nice when it suits him, so better you rip the plaster off, get him out and you have some peace. Give him a fair deadline and if he’s not gone by then have a back up plan. He’s an adult, it’s not your job to care for him – and I know that’s easy for me to say but hard in reality as I lived it but you’ve got to do it for things to get better x

[Eggshells]

Hi Vikingqueen

As the others have said, he has absolutely no intention whatsoever of leaving. The longer he stays, the more tense things will get and the more abusive he will become.

If you give him a “leave by date” be prepared for him to rush repeatedly through the abuse cycle as he see-saws between trying to woo you and being angry at you. Stay out of the way as much as you can. If you need to, leave until he has gone. Your safety is paramount.

I’m not sure if you are uk based. If not, please start looking into your legal options to have him removed from the house. Start that process now because regardless of what date you set, he won’t leave.

[Author]

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