Endless bad days

[longjourneylife]

I’m out but not free. I’ll never be free, so how are we supposed to cope? Without the children I wouldn’t have gotten this far, but then I’m not far at all. It’s like he lives in my head, I still feel his control over me. I don’t know how to move forward, I don’t trust anything and I’m exhausted and so scared. I keep seeing a very bleak future, I know that’s not healthy. I even thought I should go back again today, just bury my head and do as I’m told. But then I wouldn’t have survived much longer anyway. I can’t explain how bad I feel, how weak and stupid and alone. He’s turned me into the living dead. I don’t know how to come back from it. Still on councilling wait list, I know it’s good to talk, but who to ? Thanks for listening anyway. X

[Shazza]

Hi longjourneylife. I am sorry to hear that you are feeling this way. I don’t have alot of advice but wanted to reach out to let you know you arent alone. I feel very similar to everything you have said above. I still feel I am controlled by my ex and wish I could get him out of my head.
Like you I have thought to myself I may as well go back sometimes. But like you I know I wouldn’t survive if I do that.
I also completely understand those feelings of a bleak future ahead. It feels sometimes like nothing is ever going to get better doesnt it and like we are going to be stuck feeling like this forever.
I can hear how hard it is for you right now. We are all here for you, you can speak here whenever you need to. I have been finding it helpful to do this.
Just take it one day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time if you have to. That is what I have been doing. Concentrate on the smaller things for now as looking too far ahead is going to feel overwhelming. I know this is easier done than said as I am struggling with this at the moment. Focus on each day, get through each day before looking to the next. Slowly things will start to look up and hopefully the FOG that we are both in will slowly start to ease.
You are not weak at all, you are so strong for getting this far and you can do this. Just one step at a time xx

[longjourneylife]

Thank you Shazza, it helps to know we’re not completely alone and that others feel the same. I feel so sad about how life turned out and can’t imagine a future. I just keep wishing I’d never met him. Not sure what’s next.

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