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    • #167693
      Bulbssprouting
      Participant

      Hello, (detail removed by moderator) my husband was arrested, drunk following many years of increasingly angry abuse. I snapped and called the police. Events continued briefly after a decision was made to take no further action, and I’ve ended up with non mol and occupation orders (detail removed by moderator) (I’m also fortunate that financially I am totally independent). I’m just trying to make sense of the emotions and the anger I feel towards him about the degree to which he has messed up, and changed the lives of everyone around him. I will be going for divorce, but am struggling with the grief I’m feeling.
      I know I am fortunate in many ways and have a strong real life support system, but there are not many friends who get how complicated the feelings are.

    • #167700
      Allornothing
      Participant

      Hi Bulbssprouting,

      The emotions are a strange one, I suppose a lot of people break up as they have fallen out of love or there has been infidelity and there is an instance of anger. Oddly for us all, the love was there, we wanted these people to change and hoped that we could help them in some way. The word that does seem most fitting is grief and then there is the trauma bond. We have to grieve for the person we thought they were/could be but at the same time need to separate ourselves from them, put boundaries in place, seek legal advice and often have to involve the police, courts etc. Then from years of them consuming our brains, we are suddenly left with nothing to occupy us – they almost become like an addiction to us, we are on a constant rollercoaster and when it all stops suddenly we feel very alone in our own heads.

      People that haven’t been through it won’t really understand, I throw myself at things to do – studying, decorating as I need a way to occupy my mind.

      You have found the right place for support and others who understand. Sending you lots of love xx

    • #167717
      Bulbssprouting
      Participant

      Thank you! It is good to know I am not alone in the feelings.

    • #167719
      Texas
      Participant

      Well said @Allornothing, you summed it up perfectly.

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