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    • #83131
      diymum@1
      Participant

      This week, for whatever reason, entitled people have been popping up around me like a game of whack-a-mole.

      Earlier this week I was getting a haircut and overheard a customer ask at the desk for a same-day haircut. She was pleasant and smiley, but when the receptionist said she was sorry, they were booked for the day, the customer said, “Isn’t there someone on the schedule you don’t like very much who you could cancel?” The receptionist laughed … until she realised the customer wasn’t joking.

      What do pushy people have in common? Entitlement, or the belief that they are inherently deserving of privileges or special treatment.

      Some people wear their entitlement like a crown—they’re rude, demanding, contemptuous, and they get resentful, not just disappointed, when things don’t go exactly their way. But sometimes it’s more subtle—all you’re left with is a gut feeling that you’re being manipulated.

      Not sure if you’re facing an innocent request or an entitled demand? Look for these four signs:

      Sign #1: Mindset.
      Let’s start with the big one: entitled individuals genuinely think they are better or more important than others. Making a request at someone else’s expense definitely qualifies as entitled.

      Sign #2: They hold double standards for themselves and others.
      Entitled individuals think nothing of inconveniencing others, like canceling at the last minute, no-showing appointments, or requiring lots of others people’s time and effort to get a task done.

      But turn the tables and it’s a different story. Entitled individuals accept favors without returning them. They freeload. They feel aggrieved when asked to do something, particularly if it’s not going to get them anything in return.

      Sign #3: They have a really hard time playing fairly because fairness implies equality.
      Entitled individuals have difficulty compromising, negotiating, following rules, waiting their turn, or taking one for the team. They don’t apologize. And don’t even try to argue with them.

      Sign #4: They’re manipulative and controlling.
      They think it will get them what they want, and when they don’t, they quickly get threatening and hostile. With people they perceive to be below them, like service workers or customer support, they’re rude and go out of their way to show they’re dominant and superior. They’re impossible to please, because they expect the best on a silver platter, and when they don’t get it, they leave deliberate messes and tantrums in their wake.

      Speaking of tantrums, it might be a surprise to discover entitled people are just as miserable as they make everyone else. In a paper in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, researchers from the University of Michigan discovered why the strategies of the entitled don’t work.

      The answer lies in the types of goals they set for themselves. Entitled people set what the researchers called self-image goals, meaning their aim is to have others respect and admire them (notice I didn’t say like them—that’s different).

      Entitled individuals care deeply about approval. When they get it, or they get their way, they drink it up like a spring break bro chugs a beer. It all feeds a grandiose view of themselves, but deep down they feel insecure about measuring up to those grandiose standards.

      Mix together deep seated insecurity, an inflated view of their own importance, and valuing admiration, and it’s a recipe for a thin skin: entitled people are notoriously hypersensitive, and will let loose hostility and punishment towards anyone who doesn’t work to prop up their fragile self-image. But hostility and punishment aren’t good ways to get people to admire or respect you. Instead, they alienate and isolate. According to the University of Michigan study, it’s a strategy that backfires every time.

      By contrast, non-entitled people set what’s called compassionate goals, meaning they want to make a difference in the world, support others, and feel close to those they love.

      In short, compassionate people want to contribute; entitled people want to win, and to be admired for it. But here’s the secret: it’s only when you realize life isn’t a contest that you actually win.

    • #83133
      AlwaysSorry
      Participant

      This was really interesting to read and confirms so much of the behaviour we’ve all experienced. What I think is really striking is that we often laugh off these entitled comments like at the hairdresser, thinking that surely it must be a joke. It makes me wonder if a lot of the jokes heard are just disguised expressions of entitlement.

    • #83144
      diymum@1
      Participant

      yeh its eye opening for sure – i feel like i need to be in the know and im seeing lots off antics x*x im obsessed lol xxxx love diymum

    • #83145
      AlwaysSorry
      Participant

      Keep going – knowledge is power 🙂 xx

    • #83154
      fizzylem
      Participant

      Lol whack a mole! Can you imagine if you could actually do this every time one popped up, no thank you! And you! Walking on now! lol x

    • #83158
      fizzylem
      Participant

      Worries me as I think my child can be entitled, do this for me, its not my job to help etc etc, no I won’t, I don’t care, at the moment its when will this be finished (for me – like I have a magic wand). I know you get what I mean. I can see how Ive not wanted to upset her and have avoided conflict but no more, once we have our own home again, its just us and now she’s older she will be helping out and earning her keep to a degree, be an active particiapnt.

      I will persevere, but it will be anything but fun for sure, some days I’m so struck and speechless because I’m trying to get her to view approaching something with empathy and respect and it’s literally impossible. Also whatever I do is wrong in her eyes and it’s so b****y tiring and triggering sometimes as well. Really concerns me and is hard to deal with. I really hope this changes over the next few years as she develops, if it doesnt change I can see her going to live with dad. I do know I’m not going to stand for it from here though, enough is enough. She’s been given allowances because of our situation and her difficulties – but no more, it’s not done her or me or the world any favours.

      I won’t be rail roaded these days by people, I will say no even if I can, when before I operated thinking well if I can then I will and if I can’t I can’t. Doesn’t really work with these folk as they come back for more again and again without a thought for you or what may be going on in your life in the slightest – because they dont ask! Because they dont care!

      Ive purposely pulled away from most relationships the last few years while Ive been going through this because I dont want to lean, lean, lean, with rubbish, I dont want to be the one ‘in need’ and giving nothing back, as I know I cant give much at all atm so I’d rather not see folk for now. Looking forward to getting back to some normality and this is a big part of it; feeling free to give, recieve and be sociable.

      Cheers for this DM, it’s a good topic to think about for sure xx

    • #83167
      diymum@1
      Participant

      yeh it lets us see it clearly i see this im my eldest for sure. at least we can see and address it this book the me me me epidemic explains how to un-entitle kids. xxxx

    • #83173
      fizzylem
      Participant

      Oooh do post more of what you find; strikes a chord wont you. Really interested in methods to unentitle x

    • #83177
      Twisted Sister
      Participant

      Another good find diymum@1

      Thing is with kids, they are greedy, grabby, rude, cross, challenging and yes certainly can be entitled!

      It’s when you carry on like that as an adult with power and as a male with physical therapy strength and intimidation that we see the difference.

      I didn’t feel atall triggered by your story of a woman getting snippy and demanding, unfortunately when a male does it it takes on an altogether more powerful edge of threat.

      Also, when we’ve as suffered abuse generally the kids pick up the added layer of aggression and tactics from the father with a more entitled edge, and the important factor… consequences.

      We all know far too well, sadly, the consequences.

      Kids behaving this way can not only be triggering but also lead to fuelling abuse when they see a triggered/scared reaction. Worse even, to physical attack. They are crying out for sensible firm boundaries, to know where they stand, so they can grow through it and emotionally mature.

      Taking the knocks and the bonuses in their stride.

      The entitlement is sadly still the privilege of the patriarchy, and women don’t come off to well, as we know!

      Warmest wishes

      TS

    • #83600
      Hokeycokey
      Participant

      Hi DIYmum.

      Loved this post. Thank you. I’ve read various articles about abusive behaviours but I find some of them difficult to interpret in terms of my own experience. Words , like entitlement, get bandied about as a kind of umbrella term. Your post was brilliant because you’ve explained exactly what it means and given examples which are really clear and I can relate to.

      Xx

    • #83622
      HopeLifeJoy
      Participant

      Yes thank you for posting this DYI mum, this is exactly what I am dealing with at the moment, but like Twisted Sister said, only with men, I dislike any display of entitlement or arrogance from them, it enrages me so much, it takes me quite some effort to cool myself, women on the other hand don’t bother me, it leaves me neutral, blank.
      I’ll re- read your post a couple times I think to really learn about them in depth.

    • #83624
      HopeLifeJoy
      Participant

      Hihi re read it and made me laugh 😁 they will get respect from me but no admiration and working on no anger as well.

    • #108426
      diymum@1
      Participant

      Entitlement in a nut shell xx

    • #108427
      Anonymous
      Inactive

      Hahaha!! Love it!! Sad little creatures, aren’t they? Blech! I was thinking the other day about how TV, movies, social media, music, etc. has affected all of us as far as the “Me me generation” is concerned. It’s so very toxic and life altering. Children are supposed to be selfish up to a certain age, it’s normal. But what I see these days, is so not normal. And I see parents who are actually glad that their child is a bully because it’s a means of survival. They mouth one thing but they actually do another. They pat their kids on the backs for being self centered and the bully.

      We tell our children to do this and that but then the world gets ahold of them at every turn and says – Why you do that fool? Come be all boss with me! Instant gratification if you sign on with me? And off they go…I have no idea why people take so many selfies? Is it because they live their life through them? Or they can’t feel or think anything about whatever because they have to take a picture of themselves while they are doing it? Wow. Talk about being on the outside looking in? Quite the disturbing mental illness going on here…. and not sure either why people have to facebook every time they go to the bathroom or have some boring thought. Whyyyy???? It’s a major red flag as to where we all are at on this planet. Meanwhile people in some very dire countries are walking miles and miles for water and dealing with some extremely horrific things on a daily basis and will never ever have the life we do.

      We have alot to combat here on every front. The best weapon we have is actually living a good example for our children. If we don’t have children, then we need to do it for ourselves. Which means, if we are in abuse, we need to get out like yesterday.

      These little entitled people? Swat them like the mangy little globs of hairy waste they are. Thing is, they need us un-entitled people because guess what? We’re the ones that actually do make the world turn because without us – you guys got nothin! Oh and actually I AM entitled to a life without you guys in it and if you do get close to me, do know you will get the boot and I will rain on your parade every chance I get. Trash in, trash out.

    • #108431
      iliketea
      Participant

      Adding to this tomorrow, too tired to get my words out, this has been on my mind all day..

    • #108463
      Eggshells
      Participant

      @fizzylem I smiled at your post. Your daughter sounds like a teenager. If she is then please don’t worry. Teenagers shed neural pathways (or something). They lose their empathy skills. It’s normal and physiological. They have to relearn these skills and you have the understanding and skills to teach them to her, which means she’ll grow out of this once she’s away from the negative influence in her life.

      I think a lot of us fret about our children’s behaviour, it’s normal for parents to worry but even more so for us because we fear that our children will pick up their fathers behaviour. This is the worst case scenario and none of us want that for our kids. Once you’re out of there I suspect you’ll start to see gradual changes for the better. Whilst she still lives with her Dad, it will be harder for you to guide her.

    • #112089
      diymum@1
      Participant

      entitlement

    • #112106
      Whites1
      Participant

      DIymum@1- you have really hit the nail on the head with this one…for me anyway. All the this unnecessary behaviour to get what you want. I have in the past thought I wish I could be as forthcoming as he is becos unfortunately I’m a bit of a people pleaser and find it hard to say NO.This has opened my eyes up to soooo much of his behaviour. I know what he does but understanding why he does it I never have….until now.

    • #112107
      diymum@1
      Participant

      see once you delve in this is a personality type. theyre so samey and you can deal with them better when you know how they work and why they do what they do. you can also stop taking the way youve been treated personally this is how they behave in ALL personal relationships xx it helps dosent it its quite a revelation its actually fascinating. i got engrossed but i think that was because i new id need to be one step ahead xxxx

    • #121852
      diymum@1
      Participant

      I’ve bumped this quite interesting 🤔

    • #121862
      Lifeinterrupted
      Participant

      Definitely useful to see it summarised like this! I am much more triggered by this behaviour in men ( stands to reason, I guess, and as TwistedSister said, there’s an added layer of threat because of their physicality).

      I sort of wish stuff like this could be taught to girls in secondary schools, how to recognise a narc and relationship red flags etc. Knowledge is indeed power!

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