Everyday’s a struggle….

[WhereDidIGo]

The last (detail removed by moderator) months have been like a living hell, even though I got out. I don’t know what to do or who to talk to and even if I did I clam up and can’t say anything anyway. My ex-partner physically, mentally and emotionally abused me. He was threatening towards not only me but my family as well. I can’t sleep, my appetite is all over the place and the my mind is clouded over by everything that he did.

I just don’t know how to get through this even if only to have one good day…

[SunshineRainflower]

Hi there,

I’m very sorry to hear what you went through, domestic abuse is a nightmare nobody should ever experience. It is absolutely horrendous at first and feels like a death, but it gets better. It’s just a journey where you have to take it one step at a time.

Are you safe now, given that he has threatened you? Report all threats etc to the police. Write any contact he makes down with times, dates and details as evidence is key. And make sure you are safe with locks changed, keep an eye on pets, keep windows and doors locked, change number, wipe phone, block his number and go NC.

Then look at your self care and increase this, make this your main focus. Rest, good food, walks, yoga, go to the library and take out some books that inspire you. Go for coffee with friends, watch your favourite films. This all helped me a lot in the early days and I still do this now.

I also started writing down my feelings in a journal and also did video journals which helped a lot. I rang Samaritans whenever I needed someone to talk to about it. Most of the time they are helpful but occasionally you get someone who doesn’t understand domestic abuse especially emotional abuse. In those times I hung up and rang again later because the last thing we need is to speak to people who don’t get it.

Also look into local support groups and the Freedom Programme which you can do in person and online.

Sending you good healing recovery vibes.

[Lisa]

Hello WheredidIgo,

I just wanted to show you some support. Thank you for your brave and honest post, I am pleased to see you have had some good advice. Please be kind to yourself, it sounds like it is still early days for you since the relationship ended and in can take time to slowly start feeling better.

Well done for posting here and reaching out. Another really good starting point could be to speak to the National Domestic Violence Helpline (number at the top of this page), they are a 24 hour service and even if they are busy just leave a message saying that you are safe for them to call you back and they will do so. They will be patient with you and talk to you about your situation and hopefully put you in touch with your local Women’s Aid group too. If you don’t feel like speaking you can find your local Group on the Women’s Aid website under, ‘find help locally’.

You are doing brilliantly and how you are feeling is totally normal. Keep being kind to yourself and keep posting. We are all here for you.

Best wishes,

Lisa
Forum Moderator

[Iwantmeback]

Hi Wheredidigo, that’s a very appropriate name. The first months of really really recognising we’ve been abused by our partner is the worst feelings in the world. It took me all my time to get up out of bed, then I’d literally lie on the couch for most of the day to with the covers over my head. It’s baby steps, each day your away from him, is a step further away and closer to finding you again. I won’t lie, it’s not easy, there’s days it’ll hit you and you’ll feel like c..p all over again but I promise those days will become fewer and fewer. Everyone’s timeline to healing is different. I found while reading others posts particularly those who gotten out, I personally felt a failure as I am still here, I don’t now.
That’s when I would get really down. But I see those ladies as role models, people you look up to, I’m just accepting that it’s not my time to leave but the more I’m learning the more I believe I will one day. Be kind to yourself sweetheart, make sure you keep hydrated, I lived on Lucozade and today in the beginning. Not got my appetite under control yet but it’s not important. There wrll be so many questions you’ll need answers to, don’t hesitate to ask, wirth everyone who’s on here, one of us will be able to answer them for you. When you feel able you’ll be annoyed to talk to your doctor and someone from women’s aid. Theresa are people around to try and make a wee bit of sense of all three madness. There’s only one thing you need to know, you did nothing wrong in the relationship, you could have been mother Theresa and he’d have still been the way he was. Take care and keep posting, we’re all here for you.
💕💕IWMB

[DamagedGoods]

I know exactly how you feel. You’ve been controlled by abuse for so long that you don’t know who you are anymore. Your head is full of his voice, his opinions, his judgements…. Your Your head will clear… I promise. You’re gonna slowly start remembering what you used to dance to, what you used to laugh at… What used to make your heart swell with love… Hopefully you don’t see or hear from him anymore. A clean break is the best. And is the healthiest for your mental health. Every day you’ll smile more.. And fret less. All the best for your relationship with your new best pal, yourself!

[WhereDidIGo]

Thanks for the advice everyone, I’m trying my best but everything is difficult at the moment I hope everyone else is okay and pushing through…. I just want to be me again and I’m gonna keep working on it until I find the old me.

[Author]

Posts