28th January 2021 at 10:31 pm #120603Rose1Participant
Haven’t posted for a while..not that things have improved they never do..a b**w up is always round the corner. I’m the silly woman who hopes the latest evening of name calling and nastiness will be the last. Its gone on for so long I’ve lost so much confidence in myself..fear is a familiar friend. Tonight I had a conversation with my son and his GF. They weren’t doing anything special just planning on sharing a take away watching a film..and I was left with this awful wave of loneliness and sadness that I have noone to laugh with, who genuinely likes me. My husband intermittently says he loves me but i don’t think this is love. My evening involved my husband drinking wine and then once he gets a taste going in the kitchen to drink neat spirits secretly then when I mention the slurring words and the glassy eyes I get a barrel load of abuse..Screaming in my face..if I don’t like it get out or I’ve been a nightmare all day..or some really nasty name calling..Tomorrow he’ll be waving to the neighbours and chatting to colleagues like he’s the nicest man on earth..where as I’m ashamed to walk out on the street because he shouts at me so loudly. I’m just lost.
28th January 2021 at 11:10 pm #120608EggshellsParticipant
You’re not the “silly women”. You are just like the rest of us are or have been. You’re stuck in that rut, not ready to let go of the hope that he will change. Honestly, it’s a hope that we hang on to for so long, its hard to let it go. It becomes our comfort blanket, it’s sometimes the only thing we feel that we have left to hold on to.
But you have so much more to hold on to. Somewhere inside there is a happy woman who can make an abuse free life for herself. Switch the hope that he will change (it’s never going to happen) to a hope for your own life, living the way you want to live. Hold that hope tightly and you might just find it becomes a greater comfort than your hope that life with him will be OK one day. Once that becomes your hope you may be able to start to make it happen.
28th January 2021 at 11:48 pm #120611gettingtiredParticipant
Hey, you’re not silly for hoping it’s the last time it’ll happen. In my head I’m always thinking hopefully things will stay calm and that there won’t be a b**w up or that he’ll be in a good mood. The cycle always goes on though.
Personally I wouldn’t bother confronting him about his drinking. My partner drinks too much and I’ve given up trying to talk him into drinking less. I feel embarassed as he’ll sometimes walk along drinking alchohol in the middle of the day if we are out on a walk.
You shouldn’t be the one feeling ashamed in front of the neighbours because of him shouting his head off. I know how you feel though. When my partner has raged and shouted in the past my main concern would be anyone hearing! Now I’ve started to think well fine.. they can think badly of him as he’s the one yelling.
Mine also does the same.. as in if I don’t like something he’s done he will say something like ‘well just leave then!’ rather than wanting to resolve things.
I don’t want to be with him forever and I hope to leave eventually. Still trying to detach myself from him/accept reality but it’s hard when we have ‘nice’ days and are having a laugh together.
I wonder if you hope to leave your husband eventually?
You certainly deserve way more than him!
I’ve had a miserable day being moaned at constantly, wound up and accused of not being affectionate or nice.
Let’s hope tomorrow is a better day.
Just a thought but have you looked up the grey rock method? I found it doesn’t work whilst still together as it just annoyed my partner that I wasn’t giving him any attention but I’ve sort of used it to an extent. I don’t tell him too much anymore, don’t reveal anything and try to act as boring and normal as I can. X*x
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