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just when u think they are out of your life they just reappear, so annoying i knew would always be lurking in background but u just hope they always keep away. what has annoyed me is he has told my youngest their conversation stay private between them, as long as his not messing with my son head im not bothered, but its just thrown me off guard how they can impact u straight away through a stupid comment. MY son is aware my address is not to be disclosed and not to talk about my private life, so i should be ok right? Im just thinking of having a word with my son about how i dont think secrets are a good idea, he has a right to have a relationship with his dad, he doesnt have to tell me what they discuss but again my gut is warning me this is another of his stupid games to maybe get a reaction out of me, i cnt put my finger on it but something does not feel right . how can i word to my son . they have just started chatting for a week, my son started of by keeping
chat brief , but last night they had their first deep chat. maybe he will back of again in few months and alli can do is be on guard that he doesnt effect youngest -
Sorry to hear about this, Confused.
As we know, abuse thrives in secrecy and abusers thrive on it too.
If there was nothing to hide, or he wasn’t playing games, there would be no need to mention secrets or even suggest them.
Of course, he will try to make out that they need secrets to stop you ‘poking your nose in.’
But as we know, your priority is your son and his well-being.
I would say to your son what you have said here: that he has every right to a relationship with his dad, but you are also worried, as a mum, for his well-being in general. Try to generalise it. I find under-reacting in this situation is helpful, in that if you are very open and factual about contact ( and not emotional) the kids are more likely to tell us what’s gone on. They know they can trust us to keep calm ( mostly!).
Don’t let your ex make you feel that you have no rights. As a mum, you do. You have a right to know he is being kept safe.
These abusers never go away, do they? You know his games- that’s half the battle. You have us to turn to for support too x
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Hi Ladies
THx u for your replies, i spoke to my son yesterday and i am glad to be able to tell you that all my ex said to my son is what he does is his business and he doesn’t want any thing he does in his personal new life told to me, he doesnt care about me and my family and doesnt want to no about what any of us are doing either , i told my son that was absouletely fine if thats what his dad said as thats how it should be on both ends, we dont need to know each another business and neither should we be informed of what the other person is doing. I explained that they could keep things to themselves but no need to make promises as my concern is just that his dad doesnt play emotional games with him, which he agreed and said i just want to be notified of anything that would effect my two boys and ended there.
Gosh can still sense how many issues he has , still has that i dont care attidue , will do want i want, it gives me the shivers that i let this man abuse me so much …so , so , so thankful i escaped him with my children.
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