Ex husband got new girlfriend pregnant- how cope

[Poppyrose]

Good evening,

I have been told by my child that my ex husband and is very recent girlfriend are expecting a baby. This hit me like a ton of bricks. He keeps saying and showing how unhappy he was as a father, never enjoying any family moments. We were together for many years. He now gets this new girlfriend pregnant and seems to be excited. This is very hurtful and I am in pain. He was very abusive towards myself, specially financially. He is a very high earner and pays a ridiculous low child maintenance amount (detail removed by moderator) knows how to play the system). I work full time (detail removed by moderator) so that my keeps won’t go without much. I am also due to buy him out very soon (court mandated). I am feeling very upset for several reasons:
1. He was. It happy as a husband and father and wanted to hAve a life free of any responsibility and now is expecting a child so early in the relationship (detail removed by moderator)
2. I was with him all these years and have sacrifícios so much financially and professionally for him to go so far in life for now my children not to reap any of the benefits. I was paying for most of the bills when we were together and doing all childcare. Now he is a very high earner a d his new baby won’t go without anything while o sacrifícios my kids (staying long hours in childcare, not having much mummy time as I was working all the time, etc). I feel he used me to the achieve is gold professionally and personally. I am feeling very down and incredibly stupid for not listening to my family and friends advice a few years ago (detail removed by moderator).

Has anyone had a similar experience? I am distraught and feeling very low. I am seeing a therapist on a weekly basis but am still feeling very bitter and down. I want to learn how to accept the situation and live a happy life.

Thank you

[Lisa]

Hi Poppyrose,

I am sorry to hear about your situation, it’s understandable that this news is upsetting. It must be really difficult for you especially as your ex-husband was abusive to you and isn’t a supportive father. We don’t often hear that perpetrators change so sadly it’s likely he will be abusive in his new relationship too.

You are doing really well by opening up to your therapist, please keep leaning on all of the support available to help you through this.

Take care and keep posting,

Lisa

[maddog]

Oh Poppyrose, you’re so not alone. Most abusers keep up their regime of terror after separation and will use money and children as leverage.

You know that your life with his wasn’t sunshine and roses. You know how he seduced you and how he subsequently behaved towards you and your children. My ex behaved appallingly.

The only thing we can do is to look after ourselves. Life without abuse is so much better.

My ex takes absolutely no interest in our shared children in any way whatsoever. It’s difficult being an only parent. However, it’s so much better than having what is such a toxic influence in our lives. He will be behaving in exactly the same way towards his new partner, and it’s so much better for us that she’s there as it keeps him away from us.

It all feels so raw and unfair at the beginning. The sun will shine again, and each time we’re dealt a blow we feel it a little less. Keep reaching out in real life and here.

[KIP.]

It’s very very common for an abuser to get a victim pregnant quickly as a way to trap them so if it’s Actually true, and remember abusers are liars, then it’s no reflection on you. They’re probably in the honeymoon phase, i know because I was the girlfriend who was rushed into pregnancy. And I would consider the fact that she’s maybe not as new as you think. Abusers are liars and cheaters and have to have someone in the background. It’s called triangulation. This honeymoon phase won’t last. If he’s distracted at the moment from you then make your plans and push forward.

[Author]

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