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    • #137310
      wildandfree
      Participant

      Hi

      I got out (detail removed by moderator) ago. My ex still messages on a weekly/daily basis asking me back (depending if his girlfriend is there or not). I have blocked him on everything but messenger as we have children. Plus there is a part of my that still wants to hear from him (d**n my messed up feelings).

      (detail removed by moderator) he messaged saying that it was time for him to move on because it is killing him to keep hoping we will get back together. This is a man who met someone (detail removed by moderator) after I walked out. Has kept the house and everything in it. Has controlled early access to the children (sorted now). Has created a family with his partner and they all live very happily for the most part in the house and go on family holidays abroad. I am rebuilding my life day by day, and I am in a place where I really like me and who I am becoming.

      Sometimes I could laugh that he has the gall to say that he needs to move on from me and that I am giving him hope (I am trying to divorce the man!!). And he can’t work out why I act so cold towards him when all he wants is to love me.

      I swear he and I have been living two very different realities.

    • #137313
      KIP.
      Participant

      Many times these men will Hoover you back in for revenge. To unceremoniously and cruelly dump you and watch you suffer the humiliation. Use a third party for all contact but keep his messages as evidence. You may well need them in the fight to come.

    • #137320
      Grey Rock
      Participant

      The thing is, your head will still be messed up while you’re still receiving messages that are basically hoovering.

      How have you responded to these kind of messages? Do you respond at all or just ignore them? I would suggest the latter. Maybe you could firmly re-state your boundaries in a simple and to the point message such as “please remember that you should only be contacting me about the children. Do not send messages about anything else. ” You could add that you will regard anything else as harassment and send screenshots to the police if he persists (if there is some kind if order in place or you would like there to be).

      Any kind of emotional reaction will just fuel him, so it’s a case of needing to be firm and aloof. This can be really tricky I know.

      He’s not going to want to respect your boundaries so you’ll need to be very very firm.

      GR
      X

    • #137323
      Pinkvelvet
      Participant

      Honestly the same situation here – my ex says he’s scared of me and that I’ve made him miserable, but still loves me and wants me back – then when it’s clear that’s not going to happen, he sends nasty abusive messages. It’s awful! I literally never contact him it’s always the other way round, and then he just loses it at me. Like you say… feels like we’re living two very different realities. The audacity amazes me.

    • #137326
      Ariadne
      Participant

      I definitely understand the urge to still want to hear from him. I too have those messed up feelings. I hope that in you realising how non-sensical it is, then it can help you detach as well!

      All the best xx

    • #137329
      Anonymous
      Inactive

      I too have had all this crazy making texts very recently, I’m told no one will love me more then the text I’m childish for ignoring him , anything so I bite back , which I used to do a lot , I agree if you can and it’s hard to just completely ignore , no response is best response . Any good or bad reaction is attention they want . I found detachment worked for me in the respect his cruel jibes at me didn’t hurt anymore I could see what he was trying to do by texting me be it nice or angry etc , I completely shut off ! They will try anyway they can to get to you , any weakness that you have showed in the relationship they will use against you to get a response. I think the reality of wanting to hear from them still is your mind plays tricks on you , you think of the nice time , the honeymoon phase , you want & crave that back it’s an addiction, habit need to break . I feel like this not as much now , but I try and stop myself from reaching out or thinking about him by listening to music , dancing around the house even , cleaning , going for a walk , chatting to a friend . Any distraction so I don’t dwell . I’m trying to train my mindset to positive thoughts & energy and not bring him into my mind which is all negativity. See what works best for you , each individual may find other strategies to help , but remember the niceness they show is only a mask , fake & shortlived xx

    • #137331
      Anonymous
      Inactive

      They are notorious for triangulation, playing one against the other , makes them feel powerful also . I would personally ignore all messages and if they become too abusive or threatening, screenshot them . If you have children involved is it possible someone on your behalf could intervene as a contact ? Keep all evidence screenshot , if you need to respond make it clear & short , no emotions involved, only respond if you have to if it involves your children , not you or him , this will help you in the future xx

    • #138177
      Hopefulgreyrock
      Participant

      I can understsnd you wanting to hear from him. Bevause its basically him saying hw still loves yoy. I feel the same. I am doing no contact and when he hasnt tried to contact me for a few weeks i feel abit sad. Like i don’t have my drug. But i know its better this way. Cold turkey.

      I have heard there is an app for parents ro communicate on. So it is only about the children. Then you can block him on messenger too. It will be really hard tho. To do that because you dont want to. That wouls mean fully letting go.
      I think you will do it in your own time. X

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