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So there’s a court order in place for supervised access (detail removed by moderator) for set amount of time.
Ex requested more time and my reply (all indirect contact) was well you can’t as court order states what rules are and we have to stick to that.
Since this he now started throwing his toys out Pram and arguing with me and be nasty, which I’ve asked that it stops and closed down the convo as it’s supposed to be for child arrangements only not a way to give me grief. Gets me anxious!
However I’m now worried he simply won’t return the kids after the timeframe stated by the court and keep them longer like he wanted. Now I’m worried!
Any advise. -
If it’s supervised access then Who is supervising? Surely they have a duty to ensure the court order is adhered to? If he doesn’t return them you can ring the police as he’s breached a court order. Can you raise your concerns with your solicitor. Getting into an argument will trigger you and definitely make you anxious. Don’t get into an argument with him. Don’t have any contact with him. Can you use a third party for all contact?
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It is third party so it’s basically his mum and the arguing with me is via her and it’s her supervising contact.
Will police even care? I mean ie they due home (detail removed by moderator) and come (detail removed by moderator) not home.
I’ve said I don’t wish to argue, I can see your annoyed but don’t use messing up the child contact as a way to spite me, just stick to seeing them as agreed and enjoy.
But yer think they still just do it to be vindictive. -
It’s a tough one isn’t it. He should just stick to the time he has and that’s the end of it like you say. The problem I have is that if I give him an inch he takes a mile and he’ll trample over the boundaries, is he like this? If he does it once will he think he can contact you again to change it? Maybe even get to a point when he doesn’t contact you to say he’s running late and assumes it will be ok? Or it’s better not to bother?
I’d probs leave it as it is now this time, you’ve spelled it out the order stands, what else could you do really, but make a note if he’s half an hour late; suppose from his perspective he’s tried to let you know? I don’t know what happens when the order is breeched, but guess you call the police or the solicitor. I’m not sure how many times either of you get some leyway for being late or cancelling say due to illness? But I imagine 3 in a year for each would maybe sound about right? Just my guesstimation though.
What have you agreed to do if either of you are running late on the day? Is his mum supposed to message you? Because if so he could just start doing that couldnt he – leave it till on the day. If you don’t have any contact with him then he cant argue it can he, then he needs to decide whether he will breech the order or not – that’s up to him.
I would just not respond if it happens again, then he will have no choice other than to make his own mind up about breeching it or not – and it will have nothing to do with you. It also sends a clear message that in your mind the order stands, there is no need for comms. thus avoiding any abuse as well.
Then if it becomes a problem as it becomes a pattern you’ll need to contact the police or the solicitor, perhaps police first as they would probably call in and tell him he needs to be on time and that may be enough to get him to toe the line? It’s also then on record as well that they did this isnt it, that he was warned.
If he’s supervised only is he going to try for unsupervised eventually? Only if he’s repeatedly late this won’t help him when applying for that will it – ideally he wants to show that there hasn’t been any problems that he has respected and worked with the order; it’s likely that anything he does that steps outside of the order is rope he’s making for his own noose really so I’d view it as just that for now and just keep a record x
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The travel to drop off is basically non existent it’s so close so there’s no excuse regarding traffic etc.
I’ve also said I’ll pickup if can’t drop off at agreed time.
To avoid excuses and reasons for the kids not to be back when they should be.
So If he does keep them isn’t it just obvious it’s deliberate to cause me upset etc?
And yes that’s exactly as he will be, he will push the boundaries, get away with it once so that becomes twice, three times.then it will be for longer and so on. It will never end which is why I feel compelled to keep it as per agreement and court order. It reduces upset and grief if all know where we stand. -
Yes defo. Thinking the J would be looking at what is reasonable and what is a pattern in his behaviour and unacceptable. We’re all late on occassion so he could argue this couldn’t he. If he’s late a number of times though this isn’t a great start when applying for unsupervised is it. You’ve said the order stands, the rest is up to him now. You dont want anymore mss about being late or asking for more time do you. Guess you need to see if they are back on time this time and take it from there.
It’s either to mess you about yes or is it because they wanted to go out for the day somewhere? Or it suits his mum better at this time that day? But whatever it is, everyone needs to respect the order don’t they. Hoefully it’s one of those teething problems and now he knows the response he’ll get, and so does his mum, you’ll all just get on with it. I wouldn’t say yes or no in future and call the police for help if needed x
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id get the solicitor to ask that he does not change the plans and that if he has mentioned not bringing them back id personally say the contact centre needs to be for the supervised contact his mum will be on side so its like dealing with him really. if hes late or unreliable contact might get stripped back it could go to indirect xxxx
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