Exaggerating illness

[Cherries]

I’ll start by saying my OH is not violent but I’ve come to realise is manipulative (hints, guilt trips, passive aggressive stuff) it’s control in the worst way because he flat out denies it’s control at all…me being sensitive and I end up questioning myself because it’s mostly subtle stuff…even down to me feeling uneasy about how I sit on the sofa ‘in case I damage it’

But I have noticed that when I try to pull away, he gets sick. So for the last (timeframe removed by Moderator) which have been awful…I feel destroyed deep inside…he’s had a lot of ‘illness’. Limping round the house with a bad back/ankle/knee. ‘Flu’…now he does appear to have a bit of a cold but does that really need the dramatic moans, and constant throat clearing and shambling everywhere? (timeframe removed by Moderator).

Every single time this happens. He falls downstairs. Bangs his head.  And so on.

And I feel guilty because I have no sympathy or empathy left. I’m totally burned out by the constant appeasing of it all. Cease to exist as a person except in a caretaker capacity or be seen as being difficult.

Anyone else experience this particular behaviour? Is it even a thing or am I just seeing something where there’s nothing

[Lisa]

Hi Cherries,

Just to say I have replied on your other recent post but I wanted to acknowledge this post too.

Unfortunately this can be a tactic used by abusive people to maintain the control. Abuse can be very confusing, try not to doubt yourself- if something doesn’t feel right then it usually isn’t.

Do keep posting when you can, you are not alone in going through this.

Best wishes,

Lisa

[swanlake]

Sadly this appears to be a common tactic. My abuser has apparently allegedly had a stroke and heart problems and has even made up illnesses in his children to try to curry my sympathy for him. I’m currently in occasional email contact to try to sort out a financial legal matter and every time I get some long-winded fabrication about how unwell he is or what problems he’s having with his children.

[Author]

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