My adult son has a significant birthday soon. Ages ago his dad persuaded him to spend the day with him and his flying monkeys. I don’t know how to deal with this as my ex has made things difficult. I’ve never missed his birthday and it stings. He lives away from home now. I’m thinking of texting him on the morning of his birthday, just to say have a great day and his cards are here from me and my family when he’s ready? Tbh I’m afraid to contact him as my ex has been playing the total victim, lying and blaming me for everything that happened and I think my son is brainwashed, as was I. Any ideas. I’m hoping if I keep my distance, he will come round in his own time?
I would tell him his cards etc are there when he wants them, and wish him happy birthday. Them let him go and see what hissed is really like. The more he sees his dad, the quicker he will learn. He is older, you you needn’t worry- he is old enough to learn this lesson alone.
Your uncontrolling nature will be a welcome change for him, when he tires of his dad’s manipulations.
I read once that abusers are captivating at first but nauseating eventually. Your ex’s personality will begin to grate on your son soon, if it hasn’t already.