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Sorry ladies, I just really need to get this out. We’ve had years of building up to this last year of awful tension and arguments, which he seems to think are just discussions! I won’t go on and on about it but seriously, another issue and a few days of not speaking, or just sarcastic comments and biting at me. Then he decides in the middle of the night that it’s time to sort thing out!
So it’s all my fault, even though I’ve told him several times that he makes me nervous andi can’t relax around him. But I’m supposed to forget all the nasty things he said the week before, like telling me that I should leave and lots of nasty and bitter words and statements. As it’s the next week, it’s a new start and we’re meant to be trying again and I’m not meant to feel nervous and it doesn’t matter what he said! His controlling behaviour, which he can’t see and the way lately he seems to think that I am his property! He seems to call me his wife more often now, instead of my name.
I know I have to just hang on if I’m not ready I leave / get out and I really don’t want to leave, I want him out when I feel ready… one day.
I could ramble on forever. I go from being a bag of nerves, to feeling angry, agitated. I can hardly sit still today as I know he’ll come home and expect me to be nice and normal.
He has no idea what it is to be a nice normal person. I know that and I don’t expect anything else, I don’t know what I’m trying to say really. No motivation or concentration, I feel.like he’s taken it all from me -
Your feelings are completely valid. My ex took everything. I had nothing left to give. I had felt like this for years before being able to articulate what was going on.
When you are ready please start by giving Women’s Aid a phone. They will not judge you or tell you to leave. They will listen and provide you with support for whatever you decide to do next and help you on your journey.
I thought I had turned into my mum and I thought I was trapped in nothing worse than a c**p marriage. In truth, the marriage was awful, dangerous and horrible.
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Ive just posted here for the first time and came accross your message. I know this feeling so well. I cant offer help but just know that i understand what its like i think a lot of people on here do.maby that is some comfort knowing your not alone. And ill say it.. Its not fair and its not right.
Try and talk to someone. I had counselling and it stopped me from going crazy at least. I had to wait 6 months for an appointment but after the first few sessions i could look at outbursts from him with a clear head and know i had done nothing to trigger them. Lundy bancroft is the best book i have ever read. If you google it you can get a free pdf copy online. I tell myself ever day that i am resilient and strong….some days i actually belive it. Good luck with everything. tonight im thinking of you as im sure everyone on here is. -
my husband says this to me as well.
that things he have done are in the past and I should stop bring them up. he says that either he doesn’t know why he did those things or it was only because he was angry. like it makes everything better.just know that this is part of this game, to keep you off balance. we are so strong, we just need to see it and work with it to help us get out.
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