Extended family

[Peaceful Pig]

Today I finally plucked up the courage to contact some extended family. I was so scared, having no idea what reaction I would get. I’ve never had much of a relationship with any of them because I wasn’t allowed to. All visits had to be carefully orchestrated and policed by my parents, so they knew what was being said I guess. The atmosphere was always awkward with no-one knowing when my dad might randomly explode. These family members have been told almost nothing of what I’ve been going through with my ex and therefore I’ve been going through it all alone. Anyway their response touched and amazed me. They were so kind and sensitive. Their only concern was for the safety and well-being of me and the children. They were perfectly able to handle what I told them and treated me like an adult they cared about, not a naughty child. I thought everyone, but certainly everyone in my family, were like my parents but they’re not. They’re normal and kind. They weren’t surprised that my parents were abusive (I didn’t go into detail) and totally understood my decision to stop contact with them. I’m stunned. All those years of never telling anyone and it turns out there are people who might have helped me if I’d been able to ask for help as a child. Once again everything I believed was true is turned on its head. It was never me, it was definitely them! These relatives live a long way from me but it’s lovely to feel less alone and to be validated.

[Serenity]

I am so overjoyed for you, PP.

Whilst it’s important to cut off family members who are abusive, it’s still a great loss, and having a sense of family will do wonders for you and your children’s sense of well-being.

Here’s to a future of comforting and nurturing times with these family members x

[Peaceful Pig]

Thank you Serenity. I still can’t quite believe it. It is actually the first time ever that I have had a real, genuine, emotional conversation with anyone in my family. My sister is supportive of me to a point but she’s not able to speak emotionally about anything and certainly not our childhood, she’s made that very clear. I’m so happy to have been accepted for me despite what’s happened and it’s given me the courage to contact other family members. I can finally be myself with no shame. The hardest part was letting go of guilt and the sense of responsibility to protect my parents by not speaking the truth but now I’m breaking out of that shell and they have to face their own consequences xx

[Serenity]

The universe is already bringing you gifts where you least expected it!

[Ayanna]

I am so moved by your post! How truly wonderful!!!

I hope you will have many great interactions with them from now on!

And you encouraged me to go looking for my uncle and cousins I was never allowed to have contact with.

[Peaceful Pig]

Thank you Ayanna. I wish that you will find the same xx
Also my son’s friend told his mum that my son feels like family to him. I thought this was so sweet.
As you say Serenity, it feels like the universe is bringing us love and family at last xx

[Author]

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