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    • #129642
      Emptybutfree
      Participant

      Hi ladies,

      I haven’t posted in a while but I have been reading, you’re all amazing.

      I’ve had a really tough few days, can’t go in to too much detail.

      I got to the point this morning where I contacted Samaritans as I just couldn’t help but feel afraid of the awful thoughts running through my mind.

      I am away from my abuser, but I still love him, I still wonder if he thinks about me and… I miss him. It’s sounds so frightening and stupid but there are some days where I feel as though I’d rather be abused emotionally and physically but still have him than be so far away from him – I know in my head that this is ridiculous and might seem so appalling to some as a lot of woman are struggling to escape. In my situation, I didn’t want to escape, I didn’t want to leave him, I didn’t want him to leave me, I just had no other option and had to burn every single bridge in order to be safe – I DIDNT WANT THAT!

      I’m taking advice, I’m giving advice but why is this hurting so b****y much?!?

      Why do I feel so down and helpless that I feel the only person who could make me better is him?!

      He made me feel my worst but he also made me feel my best.

      Why did he have to do the things he did?
      Would he of ever changed?

      I feel so lonely, as though I don’t belong anywhere, I have good support, my job, beautiful children… but I still feel so alone, as though I have no purpose.

      I’m sorry for going on with myself but I needed to get it off my chest.

      Xx

    • #129645
      Grey Rock
      Participant

      Hi. Sorry you’re hurting. It sounds like trauma bonds to me. The thing is that these men rarely change. I don’t know your full story but suspect that there were lots of chances given and broken promises to change before you made the decision to leave. It is always hard to leave because we tend to cling to the memory of the moments when they were acting the amazing partner that we fell for. B

      Melanie Tonia Evans and Dr Ramani are both good people to Google on YouTube to work on breaking the trauma bonds and find some clarity around what happened and your what-ifs. A chat with a Women’s Aid counsellor could also help. They will understand as this is a stage so many of us go through.

      Please stay strong and don’t contact. Abusive ex’s are like emotional vultures and those trauma bonds make us so vulnerable. You won’t always feel like this. This is not the destination, just another part of the journey.

      Sending hugs and prayers.

      GR 🙏💪🌈🕯️

    • #129696
      Belle250
      Participant

      Hi Emptybutfree,
      Your words could literally be me writing them… I can only speak from my own personal experience but I think the trauma bond is definitely one of the hardest things to overcome when we’re out of the relationship. Some days I’m absolutely fine and on those days I read the journal that I wrote where I have listed everything that happened and it reinforces my strength but then other days I feel so broken and I don’t know how to fix myself or the hurt I feel.

      I guess my point is that it’s important to recognise these feelings and emotions, just take a step back and focus on getting through the next few moments, the rest of that day, try not to think too far ahead. Just take each moment as it comes.

      Do little things that make you happy until this feeling passes because it will and just remember that you did the right thing 💜💕💜

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