This topic contains 5 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  Bettertimesahead 1 month, 3 weeks ago.

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  • #113156
     Bettertimesahead 
    Participant

    My husband (detail removed by moderator) Panicky he will come back, currently not living here. (detail removed by moderator).Was f
    doing ok but not today.

  • #113157
     KIP. 
    Participant

    Hey my ex did exactly the same thing. Threatening all sorts of things he knew would scare me most. That’s what they do. He threatened exactly the same to (detail removed by moderator) and guess what? I’m sitting here writing this. Do not believe a word he says. Most solicitors offer free initial advice so ring round a few and ask the experts where you stand. My ex had lied so many times I didn’t know if I was coming or going. You can ask for an occupation order to exclude him from the property until the divorce and finances are sorted. That’s what I got. Contact your local women’s aid too for support and guidance. The most important thing just now is not to believe a word he has ever said. They are pathological liars. Gather a support network from friends and family if he hasn’t isolated you from them or is using them as flying monkeys. The police domestic abuse unit. Women’s aid. Rights of women who offer free legal advice. The national domestic abuse helpline who can give you more information. Peer support 💕 this forum is fantastic and full of women who have walked your path before you x talk to your GP about counselling and look at mindfulness. Try to do things that bring a smile to your face (easier said than done I know). I watched a favourite movie over and over again. Surround yourself with pillows and cushions and hug them all. It brought me comfort. Keep posting and Be very kind to yourself. Make sure you’re eating, drinking and try to get out for fresh air. Back to basics. Don’t take on anything new and stick to minimal achievable tasks till you regroup 💕

  • #113159
     Bettertimesahead 
    Participant

    Thanks Kip. Feeling v vulnerable today. I have got good support around thankfully. But if you’ve not walked in our shoes its difficult for people to understand. I am in a much better position than him to (detail removed by moderator). But it’s all the I
    the unknown. And I’m still.struggling to accept my marriage is over and that what he did was abuse.

  • #113163
     KIP. 
    Participant

    I think we all struggle in the beginning to comprehend how someone we love and is supposed to love us in return is actually deliberately trying to destroy us. Google cognitive dissonance. Our brain works against us trying to protect us from the pain that comes with acceptance. Gaslighting. Trauma bonding. The more I learned about what happened to me and what abuse does, the easier my recovery became. We make the mistake of thinking they have the same moral compass as us but they simply don’t. They lack empathy and are often very (detail removed by moderator) and if you’ve never experienced his kind of harmful behaviour then how can you be expected to understand. Why would we ever think our closest partner would behave this way but sadly they do. It’s okay to feel vulnerable and very normal too. You won’t always feel this way. It’s all still raw for you. Dealing with the unknown troubles even the most confident person at times. All you can do it talk to professionals. Get professional advice and don’t believe a word your ex says. You have to trust in what your solicitor is telling you, even though my ex tried to rewrite the law, he couldn’t bully the solicitor in the end. Hang in there. Things can and do get much better as you recover. One day you will realise you had a lucky escape. I know it won’t feel like it just now but I had decades of abuse and now I have my own life back. You were a happy confident woman before you met him and she’s still in there. Go find her and bring her back 💕

  • #113164
     [email protected] 
    Participant

    Stepping into the unknown is always scarey but fear holds us back. These men know this and rely on it -remember it’s all about winning for these men. Take the plunge get advice and go for it sounds like you will (detail removed by moderator) just believe in yourself xx I know it can be hard but you can do this xx 😘

  • #113170
     Bettertimesahead 
    Participant

    Thanks for all the replies. No decision on husband was made (detail removed by moderator). I just hate this roller coaster. Since he left (detail removed by moderator) ago my emotions and feelings are so erratic and all over the place. I think I’m doing ok then just 1 emailor a call from someone and I’m thrown. Hes blocked on my phone but I still jump each time it bleeps.

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