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I’m sure there are days like this for everyone. I’m just so fed up. I feel so trapped and mentally exhausted. Why has my pretty calm life turned into a life so full of conflicts? How did I let this happen? Everything turns into belittling and accusing.
I had a courage to ask for money again recently, that as I stay home mum I at least need child benefit money, then he turns it around and blames me for not having a job, and make it all about him and he is the one whose struggling (a person with very well paid job) and that he is against me getting benefit money because of the income cap. It took me so much energy and courage and I feel stupid for even bringing it up.
He says he can “help” with kids drop offs if I get a job, then when I fiinally get a job interview for a full time job (after trying for really really long time), he turns around and says I need to make sure I can do drop off as it would be a burden for him if he has to be involved.
I know he is very tactflly setting everything up so that he can get away blaming me for my “bad choices”. And that he has the right not to help because it was the only thing I had to make right and still messed up. I can already see him laughing at me when I’m struggling to juggle everything if I get the job.
I’m feeling trapped. Is it all in my head? Am I imagining things? I’m so fed up of mind games I just want peace and support… 🙁
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Hi, I know how this feels. For many years, the only responsibility my ex had was to get up and got to work. I worked full time, got up in the night when they were babies, took them to childcare and picked them up again, fed everyone, did the shopping, organised the household bills and did as much housework as I could squeeze in and I would still be moaned at for not doing things properly. I stopped asking for help because it always turned into a moan back at me about something that I wasn’t doing properly. I used to look at couples who seemed to be able to discuss sharing workloads without it ending in a row and wondering why I couldn’t have that life.
It is the most frustrating thing about living with men like these – its the never ending mind games. You can’t ever relax or think you can have a normal conversation where you are listened to and heard. if they do listen its only so they can use it against you at some later point.
I wish you all the luck with your job search and hope you find something. Work was my salvation and a place where I ended up feeling valued which I was not getting at home.
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Whatever you do he’ll twist it so do what you want to do re getting a job, don’t stop asking for money (unless it becomes unsafe) because that’s what he wants.
Just like yours, my ex used to say things like his job was so much harder than mine so that justified his laziness/drinking/keeping his money etc etc, he felt all chores and especially childcare was woman’s work unless of course he had an audience to impress.
They love to make you rely on them then let you down & sabotage your plans so if I was you I’d ask someone else to help with childcare so you can go to the interview. It’s exhausting living like this but don’t be hard on yourself, you didn’t let anything happen – it happened slowly, subtly and cleverly. Like a dripping tap leaking you don’t notice until the ceiling cracks.
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