Feel a deep sadness

[Iwon]

It’s strange. I have broken my collar bone quite badly so am awaiting emergency ok and not working. I decided to do freedom course on line and tools for recovery thru we. Took years and a lot of money to divorce him. Nightmare. Homeless. Facing bankrupty. Constant harassment threats over taking our son etc etc.

I think I probably had a few quiet little breakdowns thru the marriage and divorce but didn’t go for help. Just survived. I realize even through I have been out to a while now if still live like I am trapped. I gave all these habits I developed I suppose to keep us safe.

I isolate myself. Trust very few people. My son was (removed by moderator) and I saw the ex there so I stayed in the car. He still tries everything to start trouble and accuse me of things I haven’t done and his gf is the same. Aggressive and insulting so i don’t allow verbal communication now. Minimal text.

My little boy said I know why you don’t watch me mommy because daddy glares at you. He said I want you to watch me mommy. Just ignore him.

I feel like a real failure as a mom. I just hate feeling him glare at me. He goes around telling other parents horrible stories and I have had to move him from (removed by moderator)  as he had parents I didn’t even know coming up and say they were going to stand as witnesses against me to take my son away.

I stay in the car because he scares me. I had years of him screaming stealing spitting in my face and not allowing me food. I have a loving partner now. Life is good but I recognize I am still broken an carrying pain and not living a full life. I think I need some domestic abuse counselling….. Just feel sad today x

[Chickadee]

Hi.

I can completely relate. Been through everything your going through.

Seeking a psychologist or counselor is a personal choice. I find it to be of more detriment/set back then benefit in most circumstances. They tell you how they have helped, etc., much in the lines of how an abuser does, creating the same relation. Unless you get a really good one, which is rare.

As with anything, it is about finding the right people, the one’s that truly and sincerely know how to help.

Domestic Abuse Workers and Domestic Abuse Support Groups are fantastic. Pretty much all these people have been through it personally and understand. Being a member of a group like this one is a huge help. I would suggest that you also seek an in person domestic violence group to attend in addition to being on here.

Your son is right. Stand up to his father by getting out of that car (removed by moderator). Get involved with the right people that know you for who you are. By staying in that car your giving him leverage to turn those people against you. Your missing moments and bonding with your son, which is what this man wants. Your allowing tjis man to win by staying in your shell and furthering the isolation that he has done to you previously. Your enabling his success, power, his control tactics. It is what an abuser does.

Time to get out of your shell, find your inner strength, and stand up for yourself. Break free girl!

Domestic Abuse Support with women that have been through it, is the best place to start, and are the easiest to be able to find trust in.

There are people that will and want to sincerely help you!

Chickadee

[Iwon]

I know your right. Thank you. I recognize no one is the same after a (removed by moderator) year relationship with an abusers. I have been trying to find a group for victims of domestic abuse x

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