19th June 2022 at 9:45 pm #145662privateladyParticipant
My ex husband knows he has to apply to court to put in orders around child contact, due to abuse of me infront of child but then towards child during contact. (this continued long after the initial break and was esculating, the less control over my life he got, the worse his behaviour towards me but his child got as I tried to break the reins, s/he had been telling teachers that they where scared daddy would (detail removed by moderator) when thet didn’t want to go due to fear of his temper)
He’s not done anything about it though and is pretty much washing his hands of his responsibility.
I can’t help but feel guilty that it’s fathers day today and it’s no contact. My child’s been offered the chance 3 times to ring. S/he tossed (detail removed by moderator) one time I asked her. I asked why and s/he very clearly said I’m not going to speak to him in case he shouts at you. She’s infant school age and I know she’s seen too much of a horrible side to him.
Does anyone else feel guilty about things like this?
19th June 2022 at 10:54 pm #145671Twisted SisterParticipant
I probably did once, but not now, not now my eyes have been opened to the abuse and continual suffering for me and my children, and I like you, tried to foster good relationships for them with an abuser, and it now makes me sick to my stomach that I did that rather than upheld their wishes not to see him that they couldn’t vocalise at the time… Too scared to tell anyone (as they said after the interrogations from strangers for court).
So no, leave it to your children to decide whats best for them in this situation, and then back them up. They do not have to have a relationship with a father who is abusive, and a father who is abusive is not what fathers day is about, its not an opportunity for them to demand contact so they can further abuse their children, they don’t deserve these precious lives in their life.
I do hope you can take the guilt and put it where it belongs, with them, on him. He’s the only one that has brought about this situation, so hold your head high and walk forward in support of your children standing firm against abuse.
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