Viewing 3 reply threads
  • Author
    Posts
    • #18916
      redrose
      Participant

      Okay, where do I start… it has been (detail removed by moderator) years, I was young and naive when I met him, we have been together all this time and when I now look back I remember that it has never been easy. Although I feel extremely embarrassed, I have only recently released that I have been in an abusive relationship. I am (detail removed by moderator) years old but I feel it is too late to change my life.
      I knew he was a troubled guy when I met him, but I thought that if I showed him love, he could see that life overall is not that bad, and he would change. I felt I could heal his wounds, because he suffered when he was child, coming from a difficult family background so I used to think that when he was getting angry, frustrated and make me feel responsible for his own failures it was not him but ”someone who suffered too much in life”. He would apologies after having ”his moments” but at the same time I had to do whatever he asked me to do. I never felt comfortable around him, yet I accepted it. I changed myself since I met him, into someone I do not like, I used to feel his shadow and nobody without him. With time we both released that he suffered with some mental health issues i.e. bipolar , although it has never been formally diagnosed. Well, after discovering this, and despite
      regular periods of physical violence, breaking objects in the house, asking me to leave the house because I did not achieve certain goals by his own deadlines, attempting suicide due to him feeling unable to change his life, I felt even more attached and guilty if I even thought to break up with him. I wouldn’t even know how to describe and explain why I felt I could not leave him, and why all I had to do to stay with him was acceptable for me. I have never spoken to my parents, friends anyone until 2 days ago. For the first time in (detail removed by moderator) years I had the courage to disclose to a friend of mine that I was in an abusive relationship. It has been a few weeks now that I have a strong feeling telling me that I should start seeking help or talk about it, so here I am for the first time I read about domestic violence and tried to summarise a bit a long story, however I am still confused…

    • #18934
      KIP.
      Participant

      Hello, please contact your local women’s aid. They are fantastic. There is absolutely no excuse for domestic abuse. Lots of people are bi polar and do not abuse their partners. I wonder if he abuses anyone else? Or is his bi polar abuse targeted at you. Google “cycle of abuse” and try to read “Living with the Dominator” by Pat Craven. Lots of people also come from dysfunctional backgrounds but they do not become abusers. These are just excuses. You can ring the helpline number on here for a chat too. Abuse only gets worse over the years. Abusers make us feel dependent on them, it’s a form of brainwashing. ‘Trauma bonding’. You are a young woman with your life ahead of you. Don’t waste it on an abuser. Abusers thrive on our silence so well done for speaking out. Maybe you could talk to your GP? You will ever escape without help. You have many years of abuse to overcome. Good luck and keep posting❤️👍👍👍

    • #18937

      Dear Redrose, I feel that my ex who was mentally & emotionally abusive to me was troubled, I know that he came from a a troubled and abusive background. i feel that he is making so many mistakes and is digging a big hole for himself in life due to his behaviour. Because of this I have taken to feeling pity for him, i genuinely feel sorry for him & still care that he will be ok. But, I have just broken a period of NC where I was doing really well, 4 months solid of NC, my emotions have gone absolutely haywire and I am a bag of nerves. Any involvement with him even just to think of us connecting by email has made me feel physically sick with fear and terrified. This is the price that I am paying for trying to be nice, decent and kind to someone who i felt had issues & difficulties. Please tread carefully, mental abuse is so hard to manage, it is covert, hidden and subtle and can come in many guises, my ex was charming, quiet and appeared reasonable. You may find this book helpful, its free to read on Amazon.

      30 Covert Manipulation Tactics in Personal Relationships.

    • #18943
      redrose
      Participant

      Hi ladies, thank you so much for your replies, it made me feel already better to know that someone is able to understand what I have been through and it helps to see things with more clarity. I am quite keen on seeking professional support and I will do it. Thanks again for the books recommended.

      -Kip, to aswer your question, no he does not abuse anyone else because he knows he cannnot do it. He is a smart guy and very manipulative. We do not have children or close family so I am his 24/7 target!

Viewing 3 reply threads
  • You must be logged in to reply to this topic.

© 2015 Women's Aid Federation of England – Women’s Aid is a company limited by guarantee registered in England No: 3171880.

Women’s Aid is a registered charity in England No. 1054154

Terms & conditionsPrivacy & cookie policySite mapProtect yourself onlineMedia │ Jobs

EXIT SITE

Log in with your credentials

or    

Forgot your details?

Create Account