21st November 2023 at 2:23 pm #163428SookParticipant
I’ve had some good years of relationship with my ex – we were good together like having similar thoughts, habits and activities. I’ve been away from my family for (detail removed by moderator) now and he was pretty much my first long-term partner.
He was a kind person with good talk-skill; always found excuses. He never hit me but threatened me verbally and controlled every situation (ie leaving the house when he wants, when I’m not ready he would be grumpy or shout at me)
I was just used to his shouting at the end of all years, his control got worse when we moved to another city to get closer to his family, where I didn’t have any friends but his friends when I was pregnant.
My ‘baby’ brain and being in a new city just made me anxious to decide things on my own, and in my head I was only relying on him as my partner, but it led him to just give more control of whatever we did.
My mother came to help me when we welcomed our baby into the world – my mum spotted my weird behaviour straight away like defending him or allowing him to do whatever (ie things he shouldn’t in front of parents-in-law). Eventually he shouted at my mum as well and I had to decide to leave him for my and my baby’s safety.
Since we left him I’ve been struggling with myself understanding the situation, as I have been busy with feeding my baby and trying to recover from giving birth. I still even think that the idea of leaving him was decided by my mother, not my own decision.. I know he has been an a*s*ole but it was hard to imagine I’m gonna be a single mother.
I left his place as my mum told, whilst I still wanted to stay (not with him but the place) – All I could clearly understand was it was the best for all, and my baby doesn’t need stressful and unhealthy environment..
Since my mum has decided (conducted) many actions I should take and I had to follow – yet it’s hard to explain but I feel like I’m between my ex’s and my mum’s control, nothing is decided by me (ie how to raise my baby or how I want to deal with the situation with my ex).
Anyone has felt the same or similar way ?
I just feel being in someone’s control, although I’m trying to understand what my mum did was something good for us.. I feel very stressed but I can’t leave my mum either. My ex constantly makes contact with me to ‘see his baby’ (excuse to be in touch) and I’m very exhausted…
21st November 2023 at 11:37 pm #163455swanlakeParticipant
I wonder if you have any health visitor, midwife or postnatal mental health professionals who could help you to get some clarity on the situation?
It could be hormones or exhaustion from caring for a tiny new person, or it could be that your mum is genuinely being excessively controlling. It’s good that you have a sense of what you want.
26th November 2023 at 8:02 pm #163573StrongLifeParticipant
It sounds like a difficult situation. Please see about child custody. The baby is young. I am glad you have sort help on forum. You need to take care of baby at the moment not some yelling guy. Glad your mom is there.
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