Feel like I am stuck

[Greenplantgrow]

Need some advice, we jointly own the house and have a toddler, I left him to live with a family member and left for a (detail removed by Moderator), in that time he turned nice/nasty and everything inbetween. I said that I would try to go to couples therapy with him as a last chance. We went to one session, he admitted he has anger issues and the therapist even told him that he is emotionally abusive to me. He then agreed to more sessions on his own to work at his issues, I wanted to try one last time as he was getting help and for the sake of our daughter. Its been (detail removed by Moderator) and nothing has changed. How do I now make the big decision to go. My safe place before was a family member, they are now moving house so woudnt be ideal for me and my daughter to stay there. I feel worried and scared about trying to sell the house. Having to have communication with him regarding our child. His mum is our child care at the minute and the fear of having to see her (detail removed by Moderator) when dropping my daughter off is driving me insane, it’s like I am trapped. He is now carrying on asif nothing is any different. I just feel stuck.

[Lisa]

Hi Greenplantgrow,

We would usually warn against couples therapy with an abuser because they can manipulate the situation and it can become part of the abuse. I’m glad to hear that the therapist recognised that he is abusive and offered separate sessions instead.

You could contact our Live Chat that’s open every day (8am – 6pm Monday – Friday and 10am – 6pm on weekends). The support worker can talk through your situation with you and give you information about your options.

If you live in England or Wales, Rights of Women could provide some advice on the legal aspects of separating. They have information on their website about jointly held property and they have a helpline you could call if you still have questions.

Take care and keep posting,
Lisa

[Twisted Sister]

Hi Greenplantgrow

Whatever conclusion you managed to come to before, is something you can do again, and if you continue as you are doing, by finding the information and supports you need you will get there. Your will is on your side, and you are currently tackling each of the challenges you foresee, but the point will come when you have found your answers and will feel ready again to make the break.

The fear is the number one thing that prevents our action, but once you start getting answers and can feel that fear shifting a little you will start acting again, and your mind will start seeking out ways for you both to be safe and have that life you deserve.

Use us here for venting and whatever else you need, have patience with yourself and also in working with services that can help.

We know how hard this is for you and will be with you while you take your steps.

warmest wishes

ts

[Author]

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