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    • #122371

      I have been living with a chronic disability and mental health issues for years now, all through my relationship with my ex when I had my daughter who is now (removed by moderator).
      my ex witnessed all that I went through and knows that I struggle and makes me feel bad when I am not able to look after my daughter.
      he even took me to court.
      due to court we (removed by moderator) and every time I receive a message my heart goes into my stomach im anxious and feel sick. I worry what’s coming next.
      my ex is very controlling, belittling and makes me feel worthless.
      I don’t usually leave the house and have been so worried about covid and what it will do to me or my parents and I still got it through my ex who then was not supportive when I was too sick to have my daughter back.
      (removed by moderator) I was judged for things that have been said between my daughter and I, I asked him to leave me alone and he kept going and saying things that triggered me to have an emotional breakdown.
      I am supposed to have my daughter today for the weekend, but I have not slept, have not been sleeping at all well due to health. he is making my mental health worse and I do not want my daughter to see me like that. I also do not have any energy to cope but if I say any of that to him, he will judge me and use it against me and take me to court again.
      I don’t know what to do for the best. I am waiting for a social worker to be assigned to me and have chased it up but no response. I feel very alone and can’t take anymore of being put down. right now I don’t see the point in being here.

    • #122378

      Hi edolphin1

      So sorry to read what you are going through, your situation sounds incredibly tough.
      At a time when you would need the other parent to step up and support you and show kindness & compassion he uses everything against you, pushing you down further instead of lifting you up. This is such despicable cruel behaviour. I’m very sorry you are being treated that way by him.

      You should indeed put your health first, physical and mental, before any other duties including parenting. Think of the oxygen mask in the plane, the instructions are very clear; put yours on first before helping others. You are perfectly allowed to cancel visits when you are feeling ill and unwell. It is very important to attend to your own needs first.
      Contact your GP. Tell them you are not sleeping well atm and ask for sleeping pills.

      Your ex has no right to demand you put aside your needs or worse use this against you when you do.
      Please don’t waste your time telling him how you feel, he sees it as opportunity to push you down further. You can NOT turn to him for compassion, understanding or support. You will only ever receive more abuse.

      There is support out there for you.
      First contact your GP and Women’s Aid, they will have all the right information for you.
      You can also contact Family Rights Group to help ensure your rights as a mother are being respected and protected.

      Please keep going honey, with support you won’t have to carry your heavy burden alone, you will feel lifted and it will be easier to move forward.
      Take baby steps, tiny baby steps, you can do this.

      Be very kind to yourself darling, make sure you do sleep enough, take naps during the day, keep hydrated, try to eat fruits for their vitamins.
      Sending you lots of love, many hugs and strength 💕💪
      Keep posting

    • #122379

      I also want to add that you seem like a fantastic Mum, thinking of your daughter and what would be best for her. She couldn’t have asked for a more kind hearted Mother. 💕💕

    • #122380

      Hey, I’m so sorry to hear you’re having a tough time.
      I don’t have children myself but from what I’ve read on this forum, people always advise using a third party for all contact regarding children and handover etc. If you’re doing contact between you both he has free reign to continue abusing you, controlling you, making demands and putting you down all the time.
      It’s no wonder you’re feeling so low and down.
      Please keep reaching out, we are here for you 💕

    • #134522

      Hello lovely lady xx
      I am in a very similar situation to you and whilst he maybe what he is!! you are a strong independent woman because you can recognise what’s best for your child at present. Keep in there your baby needs you xx

    • #139303

      I myself have been in a very similar situation. Your story really resonates with me. I too have suffered from mental health issues, one’s that I couldn’t help. My partners reaction to that was to completely let me down, not picking up the slack for the kids when I was unable. He instead decided to invest his time in an addiction. Which he chose to keep secret, secrets and lies do not pair well when people are already struggling with poor mental health. So what did he do? Blamed it on my mental health told me I was seeing things and all my accusations were false an entirely in my head. He kept this up well over a year. I lost everything my self respect, my friends, my family, my kids (they had to live with family members as home life was too volatile. Anyway eventually he owns up not before I almost got sectioned though. He allowed that to happen in front of his eyes an didn’t once speak up. When I started to get better as he got clean an I was able to try to focus on myself, he would criticise me for building up the childcare gradually again, saying it’s all my fault that the kids aren’t there and trying to poison me against my family who I freely gave my children to because I was worried about his addiction. He tried to say everything was fine now so we should have our kids. But it wasn’t fine because I was a broken person. If I don’t sleep I get psychotic symptoms so if I didn’t sleep I’d say we can’t have the kids tonight as I’m not well enough. He would tell me I was awful for doing that! He would say I was a bad mum. He called me name after name an eventually I broke down an had a breakdown. Like me it sounds like you tried your hardest to protect your child from the negative impact this man had on your life. That says one thing to me you are a good mum and you are trying your best. You can do it and your child will grow up to be resilient, understanding and strong. Your child will grow to understand mental illness and show compassion in a world where it’s so limited! All I can say is keep strong keep fighting and keep going as this post is only a post a good mother would write.

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