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Hi Hope Springs,
I really went backwards this week.
But I’ve been there before. Then I picked up again- and felt strong again!
You might be triggered by something without realising. For example, it is this time of year that my evil ex executed his plan; plus, I realise that recently, I have not been good at setting boundaries with a couple of people who remind me of my abuser, and this triggered me.
It’s good if we can pinpoint why. Then we can set up a plan of self-protection.
Sometimes, it’s hard to know why we go backwards. As KIP says, maybe the cycle of abuse ripples long after they have left.
I had a hard day today, with an important meeting. I was panicking, as I didn’t feel up to it. Yet I had to go. I got through it, and feel a bit happier now than this morning: my abuser would love it if I lost my job. I think doing tiny things to to fight against their influence helps us feel more of a survivor than victim.
It’s a battle, but I believe in karma and I feel good things will happen to us. I don’t think the abusers have much to look forward to: losing their charm, being found out and an empty old age.
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Serenity I think you are such an inspiration. I’m so sorry you have been feeling low. I wish I had your resilience. I’d not thought about it but kip may have a point when your so locked in the cycle it’s hard to know how else to live.
HS…maybe try counselling? I start tomorrow, very scared but hoping it will help with the anxiety and dread I feel about facing each day. X
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I have not pass one day without cry but I’m glad is lessen. Every time I feel good about my self I enjoy it full on as I realise I don’t know how I feel in the next minute. Up’s and down I treat it as a “normal” as I do expect the ripple effect of abused I experienced. All I do is acceptance, try to accept the broken reality, broken relationship, betrayal, abused.. Some of it I still on denial, as it’s still so hard to accept. While over there my abuser having a good time with his new girl friend. The girl who very proud he left me for her, he abused me for her, he dumped me for her. And left me alone picking up the pieces of my broken heart, and mentally damage by his abused for years and years. It is heart broken but I have to look after my self. Get my self back into me. 😭😭
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Dear HA,
It is really hard for me to not think about it. As that is part of the reality. No contact been really helpful. I don’t know and I don’t want to know about them. But I am actually believe that he started to control her. But the fact that in his community it is normal for a man to behave like him. Don’t know about physically abused but other things is normal. I have been living with him and witness relationship in his community, what I experienced is “normal” and for them I am the one who exaggerated it. But this is who I am. I just fighting what is my right, to be respected, to be care as a women, as human being. Once long time ago I explain what I want and he said “you think you’re princes” then I replay yes I am a princes and I will be the queen of my kingdom (my family) and since then he never asked me but it didn’t means he accept it. It means “I’m sick in my head” that is the next words I hears form him every time we talk about our problem. All this years he treat me like a “sick women” who deserve to be abused! -
Ye I read that list. And I make some list my self to move forward. I have counselling once a week which so helpful.
And we are actually starting giving me task to do and bring it forward next session. Really simple task which get me busy and help to pick up my self back when I feel low.
This forum have huge positive impact on my self. I was on point having suicidal thought all the time before I found this forum. Thank you all. -
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