Feel like my heart is breaking

[Peacethroughhealing]

Hi to anyone reading this. Does anyone feel that their heart will break? People die of broken hearts. I love and miss my ex partner so much. He was the love of my life and I wanted to spend my life with him. He was my soul mate and then he turned abusive towards me. I went to the police and I wish to god that I hadn’t and I would do anything to change that but it is too late now. They had to question him and now he wants nothing to do with me and ran away from me when I saw him in work the other day. Yes I have to see him in work all the time now because he has more work through me. His dad wants all the the things back that they gave me when I moved into my house in (detail removed by moderator). I don’t care about that but I want him and I have pain in the gut of my stomach missing him so much. I can’t go on like this and I would rather not be here than feel this sense of loss. The police handled things terribly and even though I didn’t want him questioned or to make a statement to them they did it anyway and took (detail removed by moderator) weeks to do so and then blundered about even after that. I would have made a statement at the time and they didn’t turn up to take it then they said they were questioning him that night and I waited a week to hear anything and then they called me when they were actually going to question him and asked if (detail removed by moderator)  was there. Calling me by mistake and then asking for his mobile number again. The officer then said, after they had spoken to him, that he obviously still loved me very much and that he wasn’t angry….and that it was up to us what we did with our relationship going forward…W*F. I will never go to the police again in my life and I hope I never have to. I’ve had nothing but pain and stress the whole time since I went to them and people have said I should complain about it. I just want to not be here because I am in too much pain and anything I do doesn’t mend my broken heart. I just want his arms around me and I have never felt about anyone the way I feel about him. I am so sad and devastated.

 

[lover of no contact]

Hi Peace,

Those feelings are awful of loss, grieving, wanting and longing. They have been triggered by having the contact with him at work. Contact strengthens them (they get fuel from ignoring you) and weakens us. That’s why you feel so awful this weekend because you are having the contact with him during the week.

It just shows us we should never listen to a stranger who knows nothing about the relationship between you and your partner. If that policeman had been sitting in the back of the car when your ex had shouted and screamed at you, spitting in your face, I don’t think he would be spouting on that he thinks your ex really loves you. Love does not shout and scream and spit at their beloved. Love only wants to cherish, care and protect and want the best for their loved one. Your ex like mine is a great actor, they put on award-winning performances with people. That police-officer was taken in by your ex’s words, which were lies. Every second line out of an abuser’s mouth is a lie. But they are very convincing in their lies as lying is second nature to them as they do it all the time.

You’re feeling awful because of your contact with your ex and your ex being mentioned in the conversation with the stranger (policeman). Anything to do with your ex will cause you to feel these ‘awful feelings’.

I’ve been out of my abusive relationship many years now but I’m still triggered a lot if he comes up in conversation with my friends or children. So I actively now change the subject immediately if they bring him up otherwise I lose my serenity and I can’t afford the time (it takes me days) to get over being triggered by talk of him.

You did the right thing by posting. Post as often as you need. You’re still at the very vulnerable and awful stage. I was there and its truly awful so I feel for you. Keep posting.

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