4th November 2021 at 2:30 pm #133473brokenheartedgirl1234Participant
do u feel like people say the wrong things to u?.. me and (removed by moderator) were talking about one of her friends and (removed by moderator) was like ‘yeh my friend wouldnt allow herself to be physcially abused’ and then i was like yeh but she was emotionally abused which is just as bad and it could have turned physical. and then my sis was like yeh but still she wouldnt have allowed it to turn physical.
HOW IN GODS WHAT LIKE WHAT HOW DO WE ALLOW FOR IT TO BECOME PHYSICAL?
im sick of these views.. us victims dont ALLOW abuse we cant stop it.. no one gets it. its like obviously our partners were emotional abusive before physical. like i hate having to deal with peoples views even close family. we loved our partners they brainwashed us made it feel like it was our fault.
like their not educated on the issue so they cant reakly talk its easy for anyoene to say ‘yeh i wont let a man hit me’ when she hasnt ever been in a physically abusive relationship. i hear so many women saying yeh i wont let a man do that SURE u havent been in the situation so stop trying to make me feel awful.
us victims dont allow this. like these views still hold us victims to account rather than the men who did this to us!
i know all this lovebombing blah blah is signs but we were just women who wanted to be loved and people think its so easy.
it may be advised to distance myself from these people but everyone around me thinks like this. literally every single woman who hasnt experienced physical violence from their partner has dumb s**t to say to me. like they dont get me.
today is just awful.
leaving my ex has been so challenging its not been long im struggling with missing him and having to listen to everyones stupid opinions.
my ex was someone i lived with we used to spend so much time together he always took me out and always spoke to me and hugged me i know he hit me but i still miss and love him.
what shall i do? just never bring up DV and only speak to a therapist this seems the only option.
4th November 2021 at 4:01 pm #133477KIP.Participant
Hey, I’m sure you miss the good parts of him very much, without the good parts we wouldnt stay. It’s okay to miss this. It might also be you’re missing a relationship with an intimate partner rather than actually it being him. Whatever you’re feeling is okay to feel. We victims still have to grieve for the hopes and dreams we had. When you add the trauma bond and the original love we felt it’s no wonder on average a woman will leave and return seven times to an abusive relationship because that bond is strong. You won’t always react this way to the ignorance of others. Words can be incredibly triggering early on, I remember being told to move on. I had moved on very quickly from him but moving on from the trauma was way more difficult. So be very kind to yourself and take baby steps.
4th November 2021 at 4:05 pm #133478DarcyParticipant
Hi beautiful Angel,
I understand what you are saying, it is not the easiest subject to discuss with anyone and certainly doesn’t boost the mode at a dinner party!
Its extremely hard for people who haven’t experienced abuse to understand the process of how it starts, how it continues and why we don’t leave sooner
Think how long it takes for us to work it out, and we have lived it
I think going forward you need to chose careful who you speak to about it, unfortunately not everyone will get it and it will just upset you trying to make them understand, so pick your people.
Also use the forum, there are probably so many ladies on here feeling the same as you do and desperate for a connection with someone like minded
It will get easier, I can now confidently, openly and objectively talk about my experience, however I do still decide who I will and wont share this with, some people are just not worthy of hearing my story so I just don’t share it!
Sending you continued love and support
4th November 2021 at 5:21 pm #133483LottieblueParticipant
do you know the thing that really annoys me? It’s when people say “but you seem like such a strong and together person…”. And that’s people that know me, as well as people who have met me since I left. Think about what you are saying. I know you think you’re trying to be kind. But how do you think that being “a strong and together person” makes it any nicer for me to be treated like a piece of s**t? Are you saying that only weak people suffer abuse? Strong people should be able to stand up to it? It’s like it’s a sign of weakness to allow it to affect you, destroy you. People just don’t understand. No matter how much of it there is around, they don’t understand.
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