Feel sick and heart still races with anxiety when he calls

[Eyeswideopen]

So I’m trying grey rocking, had a few days of peace, but he sometimes still call, usually when p****d off at something, and I feel immediately so stressed and sick! I feel I must answer though, and quickly, as fear to p**s him off further, or for him to somehow take down on kids if I happen not to be around them…
He then always asks what took me so long, where am I, and demands an answer doing countdowns and threatening destroying everything if I dont say…
It makes me so sad and angry I am divorced but he can still control and ruin my day like that…
He gaslights constantly, gives half information on things and what he wants to do to create confusion and then blame me with all accompanying swearing for not complying…
And I still comply, even after the abuse, because I still fear him.
I am being less apologetic and no longer trying to make things friendly, but still shifting my plans to suit his last minute demands, because I know I can’t just disconnect totally because of kids. It’s sickening. I feel I cant protect kids. Deep down they wouldn’t want to see him anymore but can’t really say that… “or else” for all of us. Kids are ok, they understand things and tell me to stop caring, but it’s so so difficult sometimes…

[Bananaboat]

I found weaning myself off helped. So instead of answering I’d let it ring out, oh yeah I got the shakes initially but then I’d text everything ok so I could relax and feel like I’d answered. Gradually I increased the time between replies which not only helped retrain me but also gave the message ‘I’m not available for you when you want me anymore’. You don’t have to tell him anything anymore but boy do they like to try, I found giving short answers like grey rock ‘I was shopping, I was sorting kids’ helped too. Take back your control lovely step by step, co-parenting with these prats is tough xx

[Eyeswideopen]

Thanks bananaboat, you are right, I must retrain myself!! Just today I had to see him in person and it was horrendous. He kept swearing at me quietly in our native language and demanded I told him where I went, with whom, or would throw stuff at me. I know he wouldn’t but I panic… told him half truths so he would stop, as he keeps asking and asking…. I tried to dismiss, say I didnt have to tell him, he doesnt tell me, but he is such a bully!!
Answering on text hasnt worked as he ignores and keeps ringing. It is worst when I’m not with kids as I worry for them, if he will go get them or something crazy…
Such a waste of space!!

[StrongLife]

I stopped answering his txts/calls after my constant efforts to continue the contact also got similar responses. My phone went off for a while to save my sanity. I no longer needed (nor was it required) to talk to him and his petty control garbage was no longer having the same effect after a while. I now live with no calls from him and everything is quiet. The last thing was just ridiculous- totally ridiculous.

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