Feel so alone without a voice

[Courage157]

I have posted on here before, been speaking to womens aid/refuge and support groups. I left my husband after he locked my toddler son and I and refused to let us leave to go and see my mother on a special day. Prior to that I went through a hard time coming to terms with the fact I was being mentally and financially abused by him and his family. Basically I had to live my life revolving them. I was treated like I was no one and felt like a stranger in my own home. That’s the very short story. Friends, womens aid netmums all confirmed I was being emotionally phsycologicslly and financially abused. After I left and was ignoring him seeking support, he took me to (detail removed by Moderator). Judge threw it out as I had evidence (detail removed by Moderator). I wasn’t talking to him so he did this to control me. The judge listed it for an (detail removed by Moderator) I felt so alone, I used up all my money to hire a good barrister because my ex is v wealthy and has a good legal team. In short, I wasn’t prepared by my solicitor what to expect. I was told at the 1st hearing that I would have my say but no one heard my voice, it was as if we went there to give him access to my baby. Up until that point he was having supervised access (detail removed by Moderator) hours a week. Because he acted like he was dad of the year the reports came back good and in the blink of an eye they started talking about unsupervised access, and I felt like I was pushed to agree as my solicitor said if I didn’t the judge could impose something a lot worse. I refused overnight access and because of that they had to list another court date. He got up to (detail removed by Moderator) hours unsupervised to take my son wherever. His family and he are all very hostile towards me and it worries me greatly about there brainwashing behaviour talking bad about me to my son who understands everything but doesn’t speak properly yet. I felt like no one heard my story. Cafcass only spoke to me 3 mins before the court hearing. (detail removed by Moderator) This is all without hearing my side of the story. (detail removed by Moderator) Yet still because I have not been hit, and even though I have a detailed diary over nearly (detail removed by Moderator) yrs, recordings of arguments and texts from people telling me how his mother is still acting hostile towards me, my voice was brushed aside. He has threatened to take my baby from me countless times yet no one hit me my residency or living with because he refuses me to have it even though I have been my baby’s primary carer since birth. He has never looked after him. (detail removed by Moderator) I want to leave them as they did not help me and I feel they just side with ex.
(detail removed by Moderator)
I wanted to protect my son from the emotional abuse he will suffer by him and his narcassistic family. I cried to womens aid telling them they should not have told me to leave because I was the only protector for him. Now he will be alone with them (detail removed by Moderator) hours away from me. He can’t tell me what happens. I left him last week for the (detail removed by Moderator) hour unsupervised contact. I gave his lunch bag with everything in it including snacks and a book for ex to write down what my son ate. He wrote he ate an (detail removed by Moderator) only and in capital letters “ (detail removed by Moderator)” When I picked My son up it was as if he was ignoring he, like I abandoned him, he was so stressed out and was hungry. I managed to feed him when I got him home but he was so hysterical and crying not wanting a bath. It was so distressing for me to watch. He went in a happy boy abd came back so unlike him. It took 2 days for him to get back to normal. I told my solicitor and nothing gets done. So I found a domestic abuse lawyer and I am hoping he can help me.

Has anyone ever been bullied at court and has anyone appealed against interim contact arrangements? I was lied too by my solicitor saying I would get to submit a statement at the fact finding hearing and that the fhdra hearing was nothing. My voice wasn’t heard.

[Ayanna]

Oh hun, that makes me so angry. I have no kids. The ex tried to kill me and at the family court they abused me. I had more than a year of hell there. (detail removed by Moderator)
What I did to fight my case: I googled a lot, called Rights of Women a lot, asked the CAB and WA. You can complain to the manager of the family court whenever you are not happy. I think you should also involve your local MP.

[Courage157]

Thank you Ayanna. I know you have been helping me before. I thought no one would remember me 🙁

You are right. (Detail removed by Moderator) I called cafcass and they said that the case had been closed and unless the judge re opens they are Not involved. The court cafcass lady I thought was nice but maybe not now. She said from what I told her (mine is all about control and bullying) she said now I am removed from the house that this behaviour will not be reciprocated to my son. She also said that unless I have anything new to add that she couldn’t really do anything?! I explained at how I have seen them Bad mouth and control the other two children in the family and how worried I will be for my son as I do not want him mentally abused too. They took no notice. (Detail removed by Moderator)

How long do I have to appeal? Is there a time limit? It will be (Detail removed by Moderator) next week.

Sometimes I wish I had physical bruises to prove solid proof because although there is a law for emotional abuse now, I don’t think they actually care. I even see women at the contact centre who’s children run out screaming not wanting to be with their violent fathers, yet the mother is seen to be the one obstructing contact?! There is no justice. It is all about fathers rights and our rights as mothers and our human rights have been taken away!

X

[Ayanna]

You need to call Rights of Women.
Usually you can find in the letter from the court how long you have to appeal.
What does Womens Aid say to this?
Get your local MP involved.
This requires a hard fight.
Remember, women are good in longterm fights. They usually have the longer breath. x*x

[Serenity]

Hi Courage,

I am sending you a big hug.

I have been through very similar to you.

My kids are quite a bit older ( one teen, one tween) which is better in some ways one might think, but not when your ex is trying to lead them down a criminal path if he has half a chance.

I wish you strength through all
Of this. Cafcass are an abominable organisation. Because of the sheer amount of cases, you will be cajoled and pushed to say yes where you don’t want to say yes.

My advice would be to speak about the child’s needs at all times. Make the child the focus. Try to explain what your concerns are. Evidence your child’s behaviours- describe negative reactions after contact etc.

Don’t let anyone less than a judge bully you.

I am busy logging everything my ex does, so that if I need to go back to court I will have examples. I would advise logging things- dates, times etc. The judges will want to see and hear facts.

I advise calling the NSPCC helpline. They are brilliant.

X*x

[Courage157]

That’s the thing. I didn’t have a voice at court. Cafcass only spent 2 mins with me before the hearing. I told her about how hostile him and his family are and how my son will be affected by this negative bullying behaviour when I am not there. I have seen how they act about other people in front of the other children in the family. I tried to explain what happened to me with regards to being bullied and controlled and him arguing in front of our baby, with my baby hysterically crying, they seem to have taken no notice? I have a doctors letter saying how his behaviour is emotional abuse and the anxiety he has caused me over the yrs.

This week I called child services, nspcc who were not helpful, I only spoke with the person who initially answers the phone, I was never put forward to a person who would understand. They both said that they couldn’t do anything until my son is affected by him. Cafcass said the case was closed with them but at my next hearing the judge could ask for it to be opened again.

I don’t have any paperwork or even the draft court order. (detail removed by Moderator)

I got the impression that the judge just wanted my case closed quickly. She said it and said that she doesn’t think it will benefit the situation and will only cause more anxiety and cost money. I think it is so unfair that I haven’t had my story told. I have all the evidence, diary documenting days times and what happened thought to recordings of arguments where he refused me to go see my family over Xmas and the arguments. They just see him like this wonderful dad who just want access to my son.

I wrote to my local MP and sent the email this morning as you said Ayanna.

Womens aid said that wasn’t right that I hadn’t had my story heard. They didn’t really know what to say. 🙁

Rights of women this time round I didn’t feel we’re on my side. They just said if my solicitor said not to appeal than go with that. They seem to think that it’s not that serious and I think it is because to get an idea of the full effect of my story I would need pages and pages and pages to tell you. 🙁

Emotional, psychological and financial abuse is harder to prove than I thought 🙁
X

[Courage157]

Serenity, (thank you for replying I know you helped me before too). I was bullied at court (again). I thought solicitors are supposed to listen to what I want and then be your protector. Instead I felt they were defending him and acting like I had to get used to ex taking my son away. She even took my mother to one side and told her “to get me used to the used to the idea” my mother told her that I haven’t own mind.

I just felt like I suffered all those years of continuous pressure, living with the enemy, not enjoying my son from the day he was born. All for nothing 🙁 all for them to just brush it all aside like they just wanted to take the easy route. x*x

[Serenity]

I know. At the contact hearing, it’s like they were all in cahoots and trying to manipulate me into doing as I was told. It was scary.

I am still not pleased with what was decided. My youngest goes because I think he doesn’t realise that he might have been entitled to choose.

All I can say is take each week, each month as it comes. When you hit anything upsetting, share and ask for advice. I felt exactly like you at court- like I was being forced into something and ignored.

We have enough intelligence and live for our children to outwit these selfish abusers. You can deal with it one step at a time, you won’t be alone. You have all of us here to help you. Unfortunately, we are forced to play the game cleverly.

[Courage157]

How do you guys have the strength to help us? I want to read other people’s posts but can’t do it just yet. I feel like every waking moment I have pressure and think about everything. I do honestly believe that this country has given fathers their rights but taken away the women’s rights to protect their babies as they see fit. It’s like the courts see these men as equal when in fact if you broke that rust by abusing, you should automatically lose your PR rights! Because mine manipulated and acted like dad if the year (detail removed by moderator). It was as if she got on with ex and wrote her own assumptions in the reports like “I can see there is a bond etc” of course there is a bond it’s his father! My worry is not my son having a father it’s my son being emotionally bullied and harmed behind closed doors and now I’m not around to protect him. I feel like we have had kids only to be made to suffer by the courts and justice system.

I want to appeal, if that annoys the judge then so be it. They haven’t been fair to me at all.

❤️

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