Feel so down

[Anonymous]

My oldest son who has autism and other difficulties is still having contact with my exes mother. Who lives a stone throw away. I cant understand why my son chooses to visit her. My ex isn’t my eldest sons father just my youngest who’s seriously ill. My ex were awful to my eldest son caused a lot of harm to all of us. I bought my son a new mobile recently and they have all put there phone numbers in his phone. There extremely dysfunctional people. Theyve been giving my son the rundown of my exes new partner saying how nice she is….. I’m not interested who hes with but I also dont want to know about it. I feel I cant get on with my life for them. My ex cant contact me anymore or find anything out regards his son who’s seriously ill I’ve blocked him for my own sanity as he were chipping away at me and playing games so now theyl do it through my eldest son. I also feel if this womens so good hes on his second relationship then maybe I I caused the abuse x

[ISOPeace]

The abuse is always about the perpetrator. The abuser can’t manage their own issues so dump them on others. You did not cause the abuse. I would say the chances that he’s not abusing his current girlfriend or isn’t about to are nil. He will only stop abusing when he heals himself and that will be a long slow process. But he probably doesn’t see himself as the problem, so that is very unlikely to happen.
Don’t take what they say at face value. There are so many reasons they might lie. It’s really unfortunate that you have to put up with all this but I promise you it’s not your fault. Stay strong. Xx

[HopeLifeJoy]

You’ve definitely not caused any abuse.
He has.
He moved onto a new victim. He will abuse her too. That’s what abusers do.

Regarding your eldest, you are the mother, the primary carer as I understand it, you can decide what’s best for your son. If seeing these toxic ex relatives isn’t good for his and your health, you are perfectly entitled to instruct him not to have any contact with them anymore. Delete their numbers from his phone.
Perhaps your son isn’t able to realise it but the situation has changed. These people aren’t his family.
(If) They have no legal rights, care rights or parental rights over him, you wouldn’t be in legal trouble telling him to stop visits and contacts with them. Introduce healthy relatives from your side of the family to replace these toxic ex relatives to broaden his social network.

Your son being autistic, you may have already support in place on how to parent an autistic child. Contact this service and seek advice and support on how best to redirect his attention to other healthier family member.
Wishing you the best 💪💕

[Author]

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